Well. I feel that way right now. You wouldn't think it should be what with everything seemingly falling apart as fast as it can, but it is. Suddenly my whole life is working right... Or maybe not, maybe its my attitude towards it all...
I was angry
I was Sad
I was Done
And suddenly I wasn't... Maybe not so suddenly maybe I should have seen it coming, and I did a little bit but suddenly I am happy.I have made the conscious choice to be happy. Every day. EVERY FLIPPIN DAY!And sure its hard, sometimes I want to punch someone in the face, sometimes I want to curl up and cry, and I do (well not punch people...Generally that ticks people off).But, I have decided to live my life happy, doing what I want. I still have responsibilities, but now I enjoy them. How did this turn come about? Well Pinterest really.
I found this picture. And on it said: "laugh until your stomach hurts". Dumb huh? Who cares about a stupid little quote like that. But then I thought about it... When was the last time I laughed until my stomach hurt? I couldn't really remember. Sure, I am a generally happy person, but I couldn't remember the last time that I had such joy in life that I laughed and laughed until my stomach hurt. Honestly, it was probably at Christmas when I was home... Then I realized the real problem. I had based so much of my happiness in other people, that I wasn't happy just being me...
I have to many flaws is what I figured.
I am too fat
I am too much personality
I am too passionate
I am too harsh
I am too scared
the list goes on and on and on. And I fought with myself... I wanted to be someone else. I wanted to be the perfect person, the one who everyone loves, the one all the boys admired, the one that wasn't to much person for other people to handle... But I can't be that because I am me... I am purely Julia totally and 100% no matter how much I fight it....
So why should i fight it?!
I sat down and for the first time I made a list of everything I want to accomplish, a 'bucket list' if you will. I made 2 the one that I have for the year and the one I have for my life...
and I realized something
I AM SO YOUNG!Ha I have been trying to live my life like its about to end, and at the same time on pause for other people, and I have stopped living in the moment. And, what type of life is that?! I have a quote that I will get framed eventually on my wall it says
"Do what you LOVE everyday!"
So that's what I am going to do. What I love. Some days are hard, and I just want to give up, but if I do that then I won't get to do what I love. And some of the things I love are stupid...I love Otter Pops, so if I want one I am going to eat it. I love Dr. Who so no one is going to be allowed to judge me for watching a show about aliens. I love music, and cooking and laughing and singing (although my roommates might not appreciate the later), So I am going to do it! I want to travel so I am going to try to as much as possible ( I am still a student). and I love people. I love knowing people and being with people, and I think that I have been so scared to try because of previous experiences that I haven't tried, and WHATS LIFE WITHOUT A PARTY!! Especially mine.
My life is changing, my relationships with people are developing and evolving, I am changing... And instead of being afraid like I was I am embracing every moment. And sure, I still have the crying fest at 2 in the morning when my darling Emily helps me, but that's a part of life, everyone has moments...Life isn't sitting scared. It's getting messy and loving every stinking moment of it!
So here's to the icky sticky mess that is life, grab it and live every moment. After all, its all it flits it floats it fleety flit it flies!
I'll leave you with a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald:
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find not you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”
