Up, Up and Away

Ever feel like all of a sudden your whole life is sorta going right?

Well. I feel that way right now. You wouldn't think it should be what with everything seemingly falling apart as fast as it can, but it is. Suddenly my whole life is working right... Or maybe not, maybe its my attitude towards it all...

I was angry

I was Sad

I was Done

And suddenly I wasn't... Maybe not so suddenly maybe I should have seen it coming, and I did a little bit but suddenly I am happy.I have made the conscious choice to be happy. Every day. EVERY FLIPPIN DAY!And sure its hard, sometimes I want to punch someone in the face, sometimes I want to curl up and cry, and I do (well not punch people...Generally that ticks people off).But, I have decided to live my life happy, doing what I want. I still have responsibilities, but now I enjoy them. How did this turn come about? Well Pinterest really.

I found this picture. And on it said: "laugh until your stomach hurts". Dumb huh? Who cares about a stupid little quote like that. But then I thought about it... When was the last time I laughed until my stomach hurt? I couldn't really remember. Sure, I am a generally happy person, but I couldn't remember the last time that I had such joy in life that I laughed and laughed until my stomach hurt. Honestly, it was probably at Christmas when I was home... Then I realized the real problem. I had based so much of my happiness in other people, that I wasn't happy just being me...

I have to many flaws is what I figured.

I am too fat

I am too much personality

I am too passionate

I am too harsh

I am too scared

the list goes on and on and on. And I fought with myself... I wanted to be someone else. I wanted to be the perfect person, the one who everyone loves, the one all the boys admired, the one that wasn't to much person for other people to handle... But I can't be that because I am me... I am purely Julia totally and 100% no matter how much I fight it....

So why should i fight it?!

I sat down and for the first time I made a list of everything I want to accomplish, a 'bucket list' if you will. I made 2 the one that I have for the year and the one I have for my life...

and I realized something

I AM SO YOUNG!Ha I have been trying to live my life like its about to end, and at the same time on pause for other people, and I have stopped living in the moment. And, what type of life is that?! I have a quote that I will get framed eventually on my wall it says

"Do what you LOVE everyday!"

So that's what I am going to do. What I love. Some days are hard, and I just want to give up, but if I do that then I won't get to do what I love. And some of the things I love are stupid...I love Otter Pops, so if I want one I am going to eat it. I love Dr. Who so no one is going to be allowed to judge me for watching a show about aliens. I love music, and cooking and laughing and singing (although my roommates might not appreciate the later), So I am going to do it! I want to travel so I am going to try to as much as possible ( I am still a student). and I love people. I love knowing people and being with people, and I think that I have been so scared to try because of previous experiences that I haven't tried, and WHATS LIFE WITHOUT A PARTY!! Especially mine.

My life is changing, my relationships with people are developing and evolving, I am changing... And instead of being afraid like I was I am embracing every moment. And sure, I still have the crying fest at 2 in the morning when my darling Emily helps me, but that's a part of life, everyone has moments...Life isn't sitting scared. It's getting messy and loving every stinking moment of it!

So here's to the icky sticky mess that is life, grab it and live every moment. After all, its all it flits it floats it fleety flit it flies!

I'll leave you with a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald:

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find not you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

Family

Families are strange things, they are forever changing, morphing. One moment you have one sibling with his massive forehead and silly grin and next you have five little siblings. You get to wake up to the sound of little girls giggle and singing Justin Bieber songs. You get to watch your little silly brothers grow up, stop running around with their fingers up their noses, and start running around with cell phones, texting girls, and growing up so very fast. I'm going to College soon, so forgive me for being so emotional.

I recently went to dinner with Matthew and some of his family and it made me realize the importance of family. How joyful life is when you can hear little kids running around playing, and you are able to surround yourself with the people who you love the most. Family is there for you through thick and thin (literally and metaphorically speaking). They love you when everything is falling apart, when you are patching it up, and even when everything is fine. They are the ones who can poke fun at you, and give you the biggest hug and make you feel safe all at the same time.

But, there is a family out there, bigger than the one in my house, bigger than the people I am related too. A family I have recently felt very grateful and so abundantly blessed by. I have grown up with my dear friend Emily, and after a recent visit I realized how blessed I am. I wish I could list everyone who I consider part of my family, people who have pieces of my heart. How grateful I am for them, how amazingly beautiful my family is! I have friends who are willing to listen to me talking endlessly, and somewhat nonsensically at two in the morning. friends who are willing to deal with my snorting when I laugh, and the endless pranks we play. I have friends who have touched my life, and helped me through some of the hardest times in my life. How big my family is! How much I love those who are in it, and those who have left an imprint in my life! I wish I could express my love for them. I wish I could express how much I love my family, immediate and adopted! Thank you! Thank you for letting me be apart of your life! Thank you for loving me, thank you for letting me love you! Thank you for all you have taught me!

I'm Sorry Cookies

I don't believe in them.

I feel like the only way to make a difference is to truly show you've changed. I guess I have a problem, I don't forget easily what people have done to me. I know what its like to be the one hurting people, just because you can. And I have had Karma Slap me in the face multiple times, and teach me that the way you treat people can change how they see the world. I have been treated badly, and I have been change because of it. Until very recently, I had never thought of these moments as an opportunity to learn and grow (many thanks to Lisa for teaching me this lesson). So now I look at life a bit differently. It wasn't okay the way I was treated, but I WAS treated that way, and the only way that I will gain anything but hurt from it is to realize that it was an opportunity for me to grow.

So this leads me to a question... Is it okay to stand by and watch people hurt others?

I don't think so. I am protective, Very Very protective of my friends, and family. I don't want people to ever have to experience the hurt that I felt when I was alienated from others. But... I am starting to wonder if it is really better just to make cookies and pretend nothing ever happened. Maybe keeping the peace is better.

On a completely different note: I got a job! woohoo! This means I may be able to eat in college!