I'm Coming Out

            Today I am coming out of the closet. I am a Feminist. I have known for a long time, I had feminist tendencies, but as I am starting my new life, I feel like it’s time to make it official.

I was raised by a Canadian Mother and a Ghanaian Father, I am the eldest of six kids. My parents instilled in me confidence, and I learned that my gender and my color did not define me.  My parents would probably never define themselves as feminist, but they really are.  I was raised to believe that everyone was equal, and that was just how the world worked.

            When I turned fifteen I moved to Walla Walla, Washington.  This is where I first realized that not all people were treated the same –and the world was not like the family I was in which I was raised.  It was expected of me to go to BYU-Idaho, find my soul mate in September, get married in December and be pregnant by April. While this was the ideal for many people that I knew in that small town, this did not fit with what I wanted for my life.

            I went to BYU and it solidified what I already knew, that I am different. Each day I realized with more clarity how different I was then the majority of female students there the problem was, the longer I was there the more I wanted to be like them—those girls with the long blond ponytails, and perfect complexions.

It’s hard to describe why I even cared, I’m not sure I've processed it all yet. All I knew is that I would never have a long blond ponytail (and by long blonde ponytail I mean the perfect outfit, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect figure and the “perfect” color) there was a yearning within me for something greater.

You know it’s amazing what television can do.  Specifically what Doctor Who can do. Mock me all you want too the Doctor is amazing. He takes these women, and shows them the world, and each woman reacts differently. Some fall in love with him, some leave him, and some depart his company due to circumstances beyond their.  Each of these women do great things. One creates an organizations that protect the world, one got married, and one course of history by turning left.  They were different sizes, different colors, and beautifully unique.  As I experienced Doctor Who, I saw what women could be. I saw the potential I had within me, and I saw that a man, even the greatest man, cannot define who I am. And that is when I started to seek out people who think like me.

Long story short, I am a feminist. I am feminist because gender does not define ability.  I am a feminist because I want my children to grow up in the world where culture does not define what they want to be.  I am a feminist because I believe woman can chose to become anything.

“I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath; scared to rock the boat and make a mess so I sat quietly, agreed politely. I  guess I forgot I had a choice, I let you push me past my breaking point, I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything.  You held me down, but I got up, already brushing off the dust, you held me down, but I got up, get ready cause I’ve had enough. I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, cause I am a champion and you’re going to hear me ROAR”

Chaos

Chaos, is a funny thing, people everywhere try so hard to avoid it. People go to such extremes to get out of chaotic events, and I am the opposite, I cherish it.  Anyone who knows my family knows that we thrive in chaos.  With eight people in my family, there is always SOMETHING going on. We are loud, and over the top. We cry loud, we laugh loud, and we love loud!  In my house someone, is always touching you, with their sticky fingers, or yelling to close to your ears or spilling their sandwich crumbs down your shirt. It sounds crazy and maybe a little uncomfortable at first, my family welcomes everyone and loves everyone. When I was in High School our house always had a guest in it, granted it was normally one of my friends from high school, but our door was always open.  My friends just walked in, and my mom always made enough dinner to ensure that if a guest stopped by, or if we found a homeless person we wanted to invite for dinner, they had a spot and a meal.  I love it, I love the chaos of my house, I love walking in and seeing toys strewn all over the floor, the backpacks of all of our friends strewn across the floor, and the ten or twelve ramen packets by the stove, because it was Wednesday, and that is what my mom would let us eat. Our house always had crumbs on the counter,  a towel on the floor in the bathroom, and a lot of loud singing. We had a holes in our walls (cough* nick* cough),  and you could guarantee that you would find food somewhere it shouldn’t be (like the entertainment center, seriously Eliza!)

As my family gets older, and we move away from the sticky fingers, and the babies climbing all over us I find myself missing those moments of chaos. Where Eliza was drawing on me with her chocolate covered fingers, while Bonnie “braided” my hair, and Jonathan and Jeremy argued about Pokémon in my ears. That little bit of chaos that was so fleeting is gone now, replaced by silly kisses, loud laughter at the dinner table over something Justin said, and the occasional drama from our “brain tumors”.  I love the chaos in my life, without it; there would be too much silence, to many moments that aren’t filled with true joy.

This is why I love Portland.  I love sitting and having chaos around me. I love the loud people, the crazy people, and the sheer noise. It makes me think of home.  I love feeling like things are just barely under control.   I love that people are welcome to be whoever they are, the good, and the bad. I love that for once in my life I don’t stand out as the loudest, or the craziest, just like at home. Everyone has their own chaos within them, and together we create a hive, each world briefly touching as we pass one another.  A look, a smile, or a shared eye roll, we each interact with each other contributing the each other’s chaotic world. I think it is a beautiful thing.  Silence and stillness has a place within each person, but it is chaos that brings me alive.

I Love You Like a Love Song, Baby.

Today was my last full day in Provo. I wasn't expecting this to come so fast, yet here I sit in my nearly empty half of my half of the room,  after tomorrow I will have no house, and as of yesterday at 1 PM I had no job. I just can't believe it. I just spent a wonderful day running errand, annoying, and laughing with a person who once was a stranger who I didn't want to be friends with because I was determined to hate Utah. Today I just want to publicly thank her for truly being the best roommate, and friend I could have ever have.

Sarah and I wereroomies in the terrible yet forever memorable Penrose 89. I like to believe that she and I had an instant connection because we are both from Washington ( opposite corners), but really I think it was just because we both couldn't handle the crazy b-ness of some of our dear roommates (none of whom I now speak to naturally).

Sarah is and was my greatest beacon of hope in Utah, together we forged a path that included fatty foods( CHOCOLATE DOMES FOR THE WIN!!!) and lots of slightly inapropro movies (okay for Utah at least).  

With Sarah I feel like I can be myself, which while I lived in Utah was not easy to say about many people. She is just so kind and loving that it is hard not to feel comfortable around her, not to mention she has a wicked sense of humour, and honestly I don't go a day without her making me laugh out loud, often with tears involved because she is just so damn funny. 

When I had my mental breakdown Freshman year, Sarah was there the whole time, letting me know that it was okay that I kept crying, and constantly supplying good movies and way to much Creamery ice cream (really why do they put them so close to Freshman housing!?) She put up with Doctor Who, the crying at anything, and was always willing to drag me out of bed so that I would make our tap class on Tuesdays and Thursday (which some weeks were the only classes I went to) She stood by me, always a rock and always so kind and gentle, but giving me the kick in the pants I needed to suck it up. 

Sarah has been my saviour and I am so sad to leave her, she has become and essential part of my life. I love waking up every morning to her phone going of three times (Doom,Horror, and Death), and our nearly naked Fridays (okay that never happened but whatever). I will miss our bejewbom meetings (okay that only happened once but we will always be bejewbom sisters). And just being with her even when we aren't doing anything but groaning like David After the Dentist because we are so bored. 

She is like the white twin sister that I never had.  I will miss watching movies with her, stressing out about crap together, driving around, eating domes. I will miss pointless target runs, singing horrible at the top of our lungs to all sorts of mass produced pop crap ( SOMEBODY!!!!!!) doing the dance of my people, and just the constant laughter that I have had for the last two years.

Sarah  I love you! I love you I love you I love you! Thank you, thank you so much for being there for me when I felt abandoned. Thank you for making me laugh,and for letting me cry. Thank you for singing sexy back, awkward dancing, and crawling into my bed when i just needed someone (in a totally non-weird way).  I will miss the home we built together, and letting me know that when I get home I will have someone there for me! 

Ah!! I am crying and hiding it from you because you're sitting in the room! Thank you Muffin Jiggly Puff Alice the Snot-Nosed Monkey King Kong McGrip McCarrey, for being the best roommate anyone anywhere has ever had in the history of the world. You are my favorite part of Utah and my BYU experience and the part I will miss the absolute most. Thank you for being my Goonie forever, and the only person I would ever truffle shuffle for!

E-Comm and Carry On

Today, as we celebrate our beautiful nation, I thought I should finally pay tribute to the place I work. BYU E-Commerce Department, and everything it has... taught me? I am preparing to leave Utah for good, and part of leaving is leaving my job. I didn't think I would be sad about it, but the more I think about it, the sadder I get. The people I work(ed) with have taught me a lot... A LOT for example. We shouldn't dress up as the Taliban yet, because it is still "too soon".  I have learned how to work with people who make me laugh everyday, and still get work done. I have learned that if you don't like sloths  something you should never let it be known, otherwise they will do everything possible to make you uncomfortable.

Yep this guy could work at E-Comm

 The people in E-Commerce are the most funny and truly American people I have ever met. Don't you dare diss on our good old 'Murica otherwise they will cut you. No joke they will just take you and cut you, believe you me, I am as you know a Washington Supremacist and a Francophone, however every time I try to say anything about how France is obviously the  superior country because ummm.... formage.

They have shown me some of the very best YouTube videos, for example prancercise 

Before I worked at E-Commerce I honestly had no idea what E-Commerce actually was. Because you readers probably don't know what E-Commerce is, I have found a definition via Google for your: 

"Electronic commerce, commonly known as e-commerce or eCommerce, or e-business

 consists of the buying and selling of products or services..."

Sometimes, things are boring, but let me  tell you I love those people.  When I first started there I never thought that I would really love them, sorry guys. But E-Commerce has taken me in, and has been truly one of the places I enjoy the most in Utah. I love that we are a place that we can all be our own kind of weird and we all accept each other. I love the Texans who are crazy, I love the people who are there with me in the early morning when I am a grumpy grump. I love the rest of the Holy Brown Trinity, I love the people that I worked on the evening shift with, and I love my bosses and how they encourage us to be ourselves. I am so grateful that I had the wonderful opportunity to work with these people, the ones who are there and they ones who have left. Thank you for letting me be my crazy blackself. For taking my black jokes in stride, and my jew jokes... And my every other weird/borderline jokes. I love love love you.  You will always have a special E-Commerce part in my heart! 

Awards

My Dear Friend Lisa nominated me for an award, but I have been so busy that I haven't gotten around to it. I felt very honoured, so here we go (on my break from work none the less).I am suppose to nominate other bloggers for the award and in addition I am supposed to give you ten random facts about myself.

 For both awards I nominate Cat
 her blog the Angst Muffin is really the most amazing thing I read, she cracks me up and I love following her life.





Sadly besides Diary of a Square-Toothed Girl and Angst Muffin, I really don't read many more blogs,BUT! I do have some facts about me ( and they might even be things y'all don't know about me)...

1. I love Star Trek, like LOVE it, and now that Benedict is in it SA-WOON!
2. I love reading (okay everyone knows that), but this summer the stack by my bed is even bigger than ever!!
3.  I LOVE Dystopian Novels Hunger Games,  Uglies, Divergent (my newest love), and not so dystopian but the same feel the Gone Series. I just get WAY to sucked into them!
4. I love Kitchen Nightmares and Chef Ramsey. I love Chef Ramsey, like for reals if I could meet any person on Earth, I used to think that I wanted to meet David Tennant, but now I think I want to meet  Chef Ramsey, he really is just the bomb!
5. I was awake when they took out my wisdom teeth, and I haven't been the same since.
6. I currently have six bank accounts, but I can't remember the pin for four of them...
7. One of the most used words in my vocabulary is Truck. As in Mother Trucker, Trucking Awesome, WHAT THE TRUCK. I am Trucking Pissed, etc,etc.
8. My secret obsession is ...is... The Kardashians. I am obsessed with them, for reals. I will drop nearly anything (except maybe Doctor Who). I just love them and their lives... How trashy it is!
9.  I am also super obsessed with Slurpees, I made the worse decision moving close to a Seven-Eleven, because now all I do is drink them.. ALL THE TIME
10. Finally, I love sleeping in made beds ,granted I never make my bed, but I love it anyway....


Thats all folks!!

My Greatest Hero

As you all know, today is Mothers Day, so I would like to make a tribute to my mother.

 My mother is the most amazing person I know. She is my greatest hero. She is a beacon of light to me. She is the strongest personI know, and I can only wish to be half the woman she is. 

My mum has taught me so much, even beyond the normal, how to walk, how to talk, eat, etc. She is one of the funniest people I know... Okay maybe not so much, but she thinks shes hilarious so that is close enough... I always laugh.... Even though she normally has to make us laugh... She's taught me to love old movies, and now every time I see Cary Grant my heart stops.  She has taught me how to annoy the crap out of someone in the morning, I swear even now I can hear her singing at the top of her lungs in the morning to get me up. "Good Morning Good Morning you slept the whole night through, good morning good morning to youu!!!!" She has taught me how to properly watch movies in the theater (Back Row Middle), even if it means getting there 45 minutes early. She taught me how to properly prepare for Sundays. One must always have Potato Chips, Chocolate and Diet Coke (With WAY to much ice), it is the only way to stay sane. She loves me too, enough to sit through episode after episode of  Barney, Arthur, and Doctor Who.  She has guided me through my many "ailments" from thinking I had Lupus to Cancer (in nearly every form), she has always been there to tell me to shut up and stop being silly ;).  

Outside of silly things, my mother has guided me with a normally quiet voice to make the right decisions. She has lifted me up and always supported me in my decisions even when she has not been happy about my decisions. She has loved me in a quiet (and sometimes not quiet way), She has helped me find my way in the world. She has always been there when I need her the most. She installed in me many of my greatest attributes in life, my love for the gospel, my love for reading, and my determination. She has taught me that I am worth so much, and that I should only strive for the best.  

I love this woman more than anything, I am so very proud of her, and I am so glad that I could be raised by this wonderful woman.

Happy Mothers Day Mum

!

When You Lose Your Marbles.

Here is a little disclaimer right now. I am pissed. Really pissed. So good luck.

 I have been living with the same three girls for the last two years and I have a few things I have come in contact with some things I didn't know existed until recently.

                                              1. Blond Hair Spider (blondushairaranae)

Yes, you got it, that is a Blonde Hair Spider, a rare species in many part of the world, Hair Spider is an abundant species in my house. They sneak up on you where you least expect the, The Kitchen, behind the T.V and most shockingly in bra's and underwear. How they get there no one knows. Famous spider scientist Gaylord Hammer has postulated that they do in fact have teleporting abilities, and thus are able to begin to bother you at the weirdest moments until you pull a Blond Hair Spider out of your butt crack in the middle of work, wondering how in the hell it got there in the first place. 

2. Odoriferous Canal 

Like many canals around the world, Odoriferous Canal is named after it's most notable feature. This canal has over time had a build up of left over egg bits, spinach, and mushrooms. That have built up until the system was unable to take it any longer and has refused like me, to have to deal with shit any longer. It smells like a combination of rotting meat, rotten eggs, and a bad case of diarrhea that was left in an diaper overnight. And yes in case you were wondering this is a clean day dishes wise. 

3. Blondus Fungi

 This species is very rare but extremely potent. It seemingly multiplies over night and brings with it a bluish gel that some researchers have said looks, taste, and feels like toothpaste. It is found in sinks, primarily ones that have no running water due to a plumbing problems. No matter what you use to remove it, it still seems to show back up within twenty four hours with a few thousand of it's friends. It has many side effects not limited to decreased appetite, irrational anger, decreased sexual drive,thoughts of murder,  insomnia, and erectile dysfunctions

4. Oatmeal

This little bugger is a well known food that is enjoyed my many mammals. Many enjoy it with brown sugar or  cinnamon. However, oatmeal is a true menace to society. Many have used it for decorating, "What!?" you may ask yourself "Who the Hell would use Oatmeal?!" and the answer is people who are tacky. Yep you heard that right. And when their roommate finally get's sick of their vase (pronounced VAUSE because it was freakin' expensive) being filled with oats and fake flowers she throws  fit during General Conference and  dumps them into a plastic bag and doesn't care that there are now oats allover the floor. She then being so impassioned about stupidity spends the subsequent hours throwing her stuff into boxes so that others won't  ruin her things with oats. 

I am counting the days until Sarah and I get the hell out of here. I never thought that I would be so uncomfortable to be in my house that I feel the need to hide to be safe from roommates. I never thought I would live in a house that looks like a hoarders home. I never thought that I would be so angry that my kitchen smells like death, that I would consider pulling a Thomas Monson and burning down my apartment. And I never thought I would be so excited to move three blocks.

Get Me the Hell Out of Here 

The Awkward Leftovers

A good friend and I were recently talking about where we are in our lives, and it got me thinking "Hey I should write a blog about it, other people have to feel like I do". It's about where I am in life, and the various other places people are. As I get older ( I am going to stop sharing my age, seeing as I am about 1/4 dead) everyone around me is doing something. Most of the people  who I grew up with are married, and if they aren't married they are going on Missions for my church. and then there is me.  I don't want to get married right now, I am only twenty... And  even though I think it's so honorary I am just not in a place where I feel like that's right for me. So, where does that leave me? I am in now mans land,  I am the awkward leftovers that no one really knows what to do with. I am the fries that are left in the box after you've eaten the rest of your burger. You don't want to throw me out, but you don't really know about keeping me.

Then there are the people who know me and want the "best" for me. So they are always checking up on me.  I am constantly asked  so are you dating? And when I say no to that people pause and then ask so have you put your mission papers in then? And then I have to say, rather reluctantly that I haven't and I am not sure if I ever will. and then they get this look in their eye. Its a pitying look in their eye, and they awkwardly walk away, unsure what to say.  It's like they don't know that there is more outside of those two things. Or, it's not important enough, to actually care. And, it makes me sad, and also a little bit frustrated. Because I am doing something! Just in case anyone was wondering.  I have a lot going on actually.

 I am looking into international internships!  

I just kicked arse in my last semester of school, getting ridiculously good grades!

I got a job, and i am working 20 hours a week, on top of going to school full time, and I love it!!

I just got a new Wi-Fi enable DVD player, and I am so excited about it!

My baby sister got baptized!!

I found the perfect condo to live in next year!!

I am in love with my FHE family! They make me so happy!!

I have a serious addiction to the cat video called "Grinding the Crack"

I saw Les Mis and cried for 2 hours because of how beautiful it was. 

I failed a test, but for once I didn't have a panic attack about it. I realized that I don't have to be perfect

I guess that news isn't as exciting as mission calls or engagements, but it's my life. It's my failures, and my successes. It's me making my dreams come true.

I guess, what I am trying to say, is I don't want to be discounted. Me, and anyone else in my situation aren't any less important to the world, because we aren't doing one of two things. We are living the way we choose too. And, in all the hype around us of marriage and missions, we are being forgotten. We have voices too, we have believes and knowledge, and we shouldn't be forgotten. We shouldn't be discarded just because we aren't fitting into molds given to us. Because, if you haven't noticed yet, I have never fit into any boxes. I am to claustrophobic.

So, a huge THANK YOU to those who care about me, and take the time to know what is going on in my life, even though I am not doing anything special.

Goodbye 2012!

I don't know about you guys, but I think 2012 was a dark year. I went into it thinking that after the previous year, it couldn't get any worse, but obviously the universe was laughing at me as I thought that. Everything that could go wrong seemed to, I had a break-up that pretty much incapacitated me for six month (I was pathetic I know), my parents moved from my hometown to the worse place on earth (Missouri) I had a not to subtle or quiet emotional break down, I even wear glasses now my eyes gave up on me too! It felt like I spent most of my year either crying or angry, super healthy I know.  However, as I began to reflect on the past year, and the goals I made for the year, I realized that it wasn't all bad, most things aren't. I actually completed most of my goals for the year (Three pounds from the forty I wanted but for all intents and purposes I think I deserve to round up!)

So many things have happened, to get me where I am. I have no date for New Years Eve, something I would have been distraught about before, however now I am ecstatic  to watch Doctor Who into the New Year, surrounded by the not so little kids.  I feel happy with who I am, alone and while I do constantly dream about the Doctor falling in love with me and us running together for the rest of my life, I can handle just being at BYU with my friends, happy to be able to make decisions based on me. I have done things this year that when I made my 2012 bucket list I didn't think I could accomplish but you better bet I did.

Not only that, but I also made a decision, after spending the last 10 years trying to be like all the people around me, good at crafts, perfect cooks, perfectly fit and happy. I decided that I was done. I am done trying to craft, because it is a hell of a lot easier just to buy a damn card and mail it.  I am done pretending that when I grow up I am going to crapbook sorry..scrapbook, or even own a crapbook, or a cricket.. Because, what's the point? I would rather spend my time doing things don't include cutting, because I just can't. I can't cut with scissors, however I am really good with a scalpel no worries. I am not creative enough to make elaborate artwork out of toilet paper rolls, and frankly I think it's disgusting. I guess what I am saying, is I am done pretending that I am going to be this molly mormon, who is looking for a husband and family so I have an excuse to have a horded pile of crapbook supplies. Because, that doesn't make me happy.

 And I think that is the thing, I watch so many people around me be unhappy, hell I was unhappy. I used  to think that if I could just be a little bit more like Matthews mom, I would be one step closer to being the right type of wife, woman, mormon, person, homosapian,etc. If I could fake caring about making cards, crapbook, cooking gourmet meals, being overly involved, being good at photography and to top it off be able to decorate with things I have made from scratch that somehow I would find my happiness, and I would be content to just be. But the truth is the more I tried to do just that, the more depressed I got about my future, was that really what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? And the answer was a huge resounding Hell No. Hell No do I want to cut myself on paper, Hell No I don't want to spend hours in a kitchen making meals, Hell No do I ever plan using toilet paper rolls as art. Just HELL NO. I have so much more to me than that, I have plans and goals, and honestly they created catering for a reason.  I am just not that mold, I am not going to be married at nineteen, nor will I have a baby in my teens. And praise Allah for that, I don't HAVE to do what I don't want to.

So as I shove 2012 out the back door and open the front for 2013, I am excited to see what trials and joys I get in the coming year. It is with a happy heart and a centered soul I begin to save for my trips to France and Portland ;) ,  work my butt off for good grades, make new friend, and cherish the old friendships, I plan on loving every damn moment of my busy life, because this is the time I get to keep learning and growing and discovering more strength in me then I though I could ever have.


Goodbye 2012, thank you for all you have taught me. Now, get the hell out.

Finally

I'm done
My semester is over. And honestly I feel like this:

I can't believe I actually made it through this year! 2012 has been so long and hard, and my soul just feels tired, but at the same time, I am extremely excited. After the last semester of school, where I basically fell apart sitting here with generally good grades, and a trip to see my family in under 24 hours I am SO excited!! My Christmas season has started!! Yay! This means I watch all of the Community, Office, and Doctor Who Christmas episodes!! I am already half way through the Office (haha I have WAY to much time on my hands now!)

I was talking to an old friend a few days ago about life and in the conversation he said  that he "hoped I found something I loved" and my first thought was, "But I have"!How awesome is that??! I mean I know I have talked about it a lot because this blog is kind of like my diary for the universe to read (really I am just writing this so that the doctor can find me and we can travel together).  I just hadn't realized how truly happy I am. Sure people make me angry, and some days are hard but one of my goals for the year was to wake up happy about what I am doing and love my days and I do. I have found a niche and something I enjoy. Not only that, I have also found a group of people I feel comfortable with, and a ward that I can actually sit through (nearly, hey I am working on it). So life is good, I am happy, and  ten months a go I didn't think I would ever be again (I know I am so melodramatic). 
Sorry about my tangent. Christmas/Finals is really what I want to talk about. I am sitting in the computer  lab, pretending to write a paper while secretly laughing at everyone studying, even though  come Monday I am back to studying my french! I get four blissful days, away from the idea of college, and the terror that is in my soul about the classes I am taking next semester (GULP!)

Happy end of the semester to those who are in college, and Happy Holiday season to everyone else! I love you all, and I am so grateful for the readers I have (woo readers!)


Xo

Julia

While everyone else is giving thanks

Everyone is so thankful this time of year. And I think it is awesome! Because there is so many great things in this world. However, today is Sunday, after a very long week and difficult week, so you can take a guess at my mood. And as you may be noticed, I like to vent my problems on my blog because that is what it is here for. My personal thoughts displayed for the world to see. And I have quite a few problems to air out with humanity.

I go to a fantastic school that is really hard to get into, and yet I find myself questioning do people even know how to put their clothes on the right way?

For example. This week I was sitting in a class and someone asked  if the United States was still a commonwealth of Britain, well technically she said England...

Let me say that again. She asked if the United States was a commonwealth of England. 

What the fuck?

How can someone make it so far in their life and not realize that the United States is actually an independent country? And before you ask, yes she was from the United States, specifically she was born and raised in Arkansas ! I know... What the hell is wrong with our world?

 My faith in humanity has been declining at a steady rate. Between the angry republican posts on Facebook (still people? Really it's over Obama is president shut the hell up). and I realizing my children are NEVER EVER going to have a ding dong or a slice of Wonderbread! What type of childhood will that be for them? Might as well take away Sesame Street (Thank God Romney wasn't voted president, and my kids will still know the joy that is PBS) On a side note, I have no problem with Romney, I am just scared of my children not knowing the joy that is cookie monster. I am so glad that the Zombie Apocalypse is approximately 32 days away so I won't actually have to bring kids up in this world, because I am worried my children will become mindless drones, like so many people who surround me. Our world scares me... Scares me. 

What do you think? Am I being dramatic? Or does there just seem to be more stupidity in the world then there use to be??

Millions of People Suffer From it Every Year!!

I have a problem....
And millions of women suffer from and through it ever year.Its acronym is R.S. but to common people it is called Relief Society.
Now before you call me a blasphemer and condemn me to eternal agony in the fiery pits of hell, hear me out.
I love my church, I love the gospel, and I love that I have something to believe in, I think everyone should... But the fact of the matter is:

I HATE RELIEF SOCIETY.

Now you may condemn me to the fiery pits of hell ;) or you could just keep listening, reading, whatever.  There is more to this story then the fact that I have an intense dislike for R.S. in theory Relief Society should be my favorite thing, and I should love hearing from people, and it's not even the people in relief society, for the most part people always give good uplifting lessons, and how extremely exuberant every one is that you are there (seriously it's creepy I don't even know these people) the real problem is... I just relate with boys better...Which I suppose is good since I consider myself extremely straight. But it creates a problem because, I just don't get girls. I don't get the constant crying, the relating of experiences, the crying, the constant reverence, the crying, the judging, the constantly and over the top sweetness, oh and did I mention the crying?

There must be something wrong with me, but I think it probably stems from the fact that my best friend growing up was Ovaltine Jenkins (Who someday I will explain in full to you all).  Ovaltine and I were inseparable from the moment he was born, until Minion came along. I think that it caused a problem, because I just don't get girls.

In addition to my not understanding girls I also lack the sit still and be quiet gene that all girls seem to have been given, but me.  I was pinning during Sacrament meeting today (What do you expect) and I found the perfect quote to explain me, which I have below.

 I am nearly 20, and I still have this problem. When I was dating Matt I use to blame him, because he couldn't stay still, but now... I've realized that I am exactly  the same way. I can't stand being restrained in anyway. Which is magnified in Relief Society because everyone is always so still, and calm and reverent, and then there is me in the corner barely containing myself, I fidget, I poke other people, I draw, I do everything to try to keep myself from exploding, but in all honesty some day I am just going to explode, and it is going to look something like this:

(obviously I am the Hulk)

Which is why I have come to my new conclusion. I should be granted permission to go to elders quorum. Someone has got to tell me how I can do that, because honestly,  it sounds so much better to me. I get to hear men sing (which in BYU is always a treat, honestly, if they would just sing at me all day I would be beyond happy), they aren't completely ridiculously reverent, because like me guys don't seem to be able to sit still for long periods of time. They don't get preached at about their "divine role of womanhood" (which actually makes me physically ill every time I hear and/or say it) and they are pretty much feel the same about seeing me at church as seeing me in a store, walking home, or on the moon. They are chill, they make sense, and for the most part they say exactly what they think, at least when they are talking to other guys. Oh, and they always seem to come out a lot drier then me after relief society because of all the dang tears. I would like to be allowed to sit in there and pinterest and draw, without being judged.OH!!!! And they get to wear pants (sign me up RIGHT NOW)... I love men,  I am glad that I don't have to live with just women for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong I love my girl friends, and I love living with Muffin, but the fact of the matter is, living with girls is to complicated, church with girls is too complicated, girls are way too complicated.  Relief society leaves me feeling like the famous phrase from Young Frankenstein. Get me out of here.  Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking. Don't you know a joke when you hear one. Ha Ha HA Ha HA. Get me out of here! Open this door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!!

Save my soul!

Julia

The Ridiculous Grin on My Face

This is what I look like today!!  (well minus the blonde and nicko, this  picture was taken a year ago).

I am so excited and happy!

Because guess what!

I am going to declare a double major in French Teaching (or maybe Studies)!

And  I didn't know I could feel so happy about declaring a major.

WAHOOOO!!!!

I am grinning like an idiot and I can hardly keep still I am so excited.

And it is more than that.... Do you ever feel like your entire life is being put right, and you can see the whole outcome right there, and its so exciting?? Because right now I feel like it is. I am not going to lie, things are difficult and sometimes I just want to curl up and cry. But the fact of the matter is.. I am happy so happy and I didn't know that a year could make such a difference in the person I am.

I have always thought that I knew exactly who I was a no matter what happened that would never change, but the truth is, I am so much different then I was even four months ago. I have learned truths about myself that I never thought existed, and i am going to list them out right here because, well I can.

Things I learned in 2012 (and it isn't even over yet!!)

1. People aren't always going to be who they say they are, and it's okay to let them go, even if it takes you months
2. You can be happy everyday, you just have to let yourself be
3. Slow and steady wins the race -- now this one sounds stupid but there is an explanation. I gained a butt ton of weight last year because I was "emotionally distressed" and now I have decided to regain control of that, and its working. Slowly. I wanted a miracle wake up and be 120 pounds, but that just won't happen no matter how hard I try! so instead I am taking it slow 37 pounds down, and its working! give me a few more years!
4. You need a little help from your friends (or a lot). I would never have gotten to where I am without them ;)
5. Sometimes Karma works out, and you get to sit back and laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Hell i am still laughing ;)
6. Do your flubbin homework- This one is a duh to, but oh well



Anyway. I am super excited about the way life is working out for me, and I am so glad that things have happend the way they have in the last year because, where i was last year was not healthy at all, working hard for something that I really didn't want, no wonder I broke down!


So! Carpe the fuck out of Diem! And do what you love, because if you don't how are you ever going to find happiness?

xo

Julia

Cuisine Avec Julia

Yes this is the actual quiche i made with my African Hands. Be impressed.

Pour ma classe de français que je devais faire une vidéo de moi cuisson. Je ne peux pas pour la vie de me comprendre comment l'avez pas être sur le côté et je m'en excuse, mais c'est vraiment pour mon professeur Jim Law!

Merci!
xoxo

Julia

English:

For my French class I had to make a video of me cooking. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to not have it be sideways so I apologize, but this is really for my teacher Jim Law!

Merci!!
xoxo

Julia


Also, I promise to post something ridiculously hilarious on my blog at some point again, but right now I am to busy pretending I am Julia Childs....Wee sounds the same!!
I suggest you watch it in full screen to get the full effect... And I promise I am not sideways the entire time. You will have to ask my french teacher tomorrow if my quiche was any good. I also have included a picture of the finished product... because I don't know how to edit videos... Figuring out how to embed this was hard enough... I think I am an 80 year old stuck in a 19 year olds body!!

I'm Coming Home

I have nearly expired three times today, because I am actively searching f a ride to Walla Walla for Thanksgiving. This may seem like a seriously silly idea, seeing as Walla Walla is a jacked crazy town, I have decided to blog about it anyway. 

 I AM GOING HOME!!

I consider Walla Walla the place I grew up, all of the best times I have ever had were there and more than that I get to see one of my Favorite people in the world. Square Toothed-Girl. She is one of my very favorite people in the world, and not only that, she also has a rockin family Mountain Man, Straight Face, and Lego Man (Who I will never get over using the cruciatus curse on me!)

It is always fun to try to explain Walla Walla and the lifestyle there to someone who has never experienced it. How can you honestly? Anyone from there knows what I mean. People who have lived there know it is like no other place on earth. Especially the Mormon culture (or at least that is what I have learned). I had a group of friends who I just loved unconditionally.Now, this is a little silly, because I look at us now, only a year later and we are all over the world and half of us don't even talk to one another anymore. I suppose however, that is what life is a constant eb and flow and i accept that. 

I miss my town. I miss the roads that I know perfectly the way the town feels so small at times, and so big at times (mostly when you are in line in Walmart). I am strangely proud of it.  I love that we are home of the Walla Walla sweet onions, and that in the summer it smells like Onions in the fall it smells like burning fields and the rest of the time it just smells like earth. I love the friendships I have made, the things I have learned.I know how silly it all sounds, especially to those who live there or have lived here. But there is something there. It tugs at your heartstrings and you have to live it up. 

I am so excited also to spend time with Square Toothed-Girl. Without her I don't know how I would have survived high school, or my freshman year of high school at that. She is truly amazing, and anyone who disagrees can just go to hell ;). I love her and her DC ways. And I am so excited I get to spend a few precious days with the second coolest family in the world (sorry  I just know my family is the best)

Walla Walla, I will see you in a month!!

WOOHOOO!!

A Not So Traditional Canadian Thanksgiving.

Hello all,
After a long emotional weekend for all 19 year-old latter-day saints girls (and 18 year-old boys), I thought I would give you an update, and a story.
Yes. I am planning on going on a mission for all who wonder.
No, I won't be going for a while.  I have school
Yes, I think it is awesome.
Yes, this is going to change BYU for the better.

But that isn't what I wanted to talk about. Today I wanted to talk about the joys of Canadian Thanksgiving. For any of you who don't know(aka everyone in the world, except Canadians), it is tomorrow the 8th of October, but this year, I celebrated early due to the number of midterms I have this coming week.. Also I forgot until Friday. Meh, shiz happens..Anyway. With joy in my heart, I decided that I wanted to celebrate. Because any day that you can celebrate what you are thankful for, is a great thing (and I love stuffing).

I realized however after declaring to my lovely roommate Alice (Sarah) (her image is beside)that I had absolutely no turkey in my house, no sausage for my stuffing, and no way to get to a story because it was Sunday and I had no food. Sarah just winked at me (or tried, how I love her!) and we did what college kids do best. Improvised.                                                  

Now, my improvising could have been disastrous, but with a little help from my friends (aka) Alice (Sarah) it was a wonderful meal that I will never forget.


Surrounded by people I loved, and people I was just meeting for the first time, I sat down to Fried Chicken, with Mash Potatoes. Cranberry Almond Stuffing (with no sausage and Italian seasoning instead of sage), Peas (because you HAVE to have peas with mashed tatoes), and the most delicious pumpkin doughnut holes I have ever had. It wasn't  traditional, it wasn't with my family, it wasn't even with people I have known all my life (or even for over two years) and yet somehow it was one of the most perfect moments of my life. We did some traditional things. We had a thankful board (below), and we laughed and joked, and I just had fun.

I am so grateful for the people in my life who surround, and love me.  I am so thankful for the people who accept me the way I am, and love me. I am thankful for those have surrounded me and loved me in the last year, when everything was going wrong. I am surrounded by love, and I wish that I could adequately explain how  much it means to me. here are two pictures of notes that I received this week, that keep me going How loved I feell I wish I could thank those who sent them, but I don't have names on most of them.

 Thank you. Thank you Sarah for being someone who loves me no matter what, and deals with having to share a room with me (I will clean eventually), Thank you for being willing to sit through endless pintrest sessions, for getting me tissues when I cry, and for making sure that we always have our Diet Cokes and chocolate on Sundays.Thank you all. Those who have kept me going through my hard times. To those who I have just met and love me, and to all of you who have touched my life for the better.  I am so blessed, and loved. I have a huge family  biological and adopted. I am surrounded by the best people in the world. I am loved by the best people in the world.I love you all, I hope that each of you have people in your life who have changed it for the better. Happy Thanksgiving all.

Ladies and Gentleman welcome back my eating disorders!

I have this friend! And she is BEAUTIFUL! She has worked hard to lose some weight, and she has always been rockin' babe! Anyway!  Today her tumtum (can you tell I have younger siblings) hurt. She was bemoaning this and some TOTAL B came up to her and told her that she needed to get over it apparently everyone's tumtums hurt when their pregnant. Now this, this got me thinking. And here is what I thunked (yeah, I went there):

WHY THE F WOULD SOMEONE SAY THAT?

I felt something like this:

Now this has lead me to think.. What are five things people should never ask one another?! And here is the list!!

1. Are you  pregnant-- No I am not. But thank you for calling me fat...

2. Have you gained weight?  No, but you've obviously been taking STUPID PILLS since I've seen you last (Doctor Who reference).

3.  Team Edward orTeam  Jacob-- Honestly Can we just say Team this lady instead?

4. Are you going to eat all of that?-- Yo mofo! Don't question me!! I will SUPA SIZE IT if I want ain't nobody gonna stop me!

5. Romney or Obama? -- Seriously people, that is just asking to get a crazy as crack foaming at the mouth response, and no one wants that. No one needs that in their lives!? Do you want to get rabies, and force me to go on a Fun Run for the Cure (An Office reference for those of you who don't understand)

We should all just take Will Smith's advice and:

Now. For those of you who are thinking! "NO I have dealt with it all my life! I am sick and tired of the morons who surround me. I want something that will make me feel better. Something that while I could possibly get arrested for it, would make my life so much better!" 

This is my response:

Punch them in the face and move on. 

General Relief Society Meeting

So its the dreaded time a year again, The General Relief Society Meeting. Now, I am sure these women are fantastic, and that some people love this, but I can't handle it. It is hard enough for me to sit still to watch a movie/ T.V. shows that I ENJOY, let alone the on going topic of: Pioneers, Our Divine Roles, and Motherhood. So I have a list for you all! Also! Thanks to people who are out there reading! I had fifty hits in 20 minutes the other day! Fifty! (Ironic I know). So my list

Thirty things to do When You are Supposed to be A Good Mormon

1.Read Fifty Shades of Grey and/or Twilight-- Yes I went there. 

2. Facebook- Which is it's own sort of agony

3. Blogging-Obviously.

4. Go out with your friends, REAL friends, not the fake ones

5.Get a tattoo-- ouch!
6. Childbirth (this is a maybe because I haven't actually done that yet)

7. Hiking- Yes I would rather hike

8. Get bitten/turned into a Zombie

9. Suffer through Testimony meeting

10. Spend a day with my ex-boyfriend-- Okay, this one is a stretch, I really don't want to do that ever. 

11. Walk 500 Miles, and then 500 More

12. See an R-rated movie

13. Stalk your gay lover
14. Walk to Missouri

15. Watch Doctor Who

16. Pick your nose, AND EAT IT! 

17. Play Wizards with the Lego Man (Granted, I want to do that all the time anyway)

18. Drink twelve caffinated beverages-- In progress.

19. Go to a Puritan Dance-- BAHAHA see what I did there!?  

20. Get into a political debate-- Yes I went there.
21.  Eat a whole pie, alone
22. Shave your whole body. Everything.
23 Get drunk, REALLY drunk (maybe that would make this go faster).
24 Sew a quilt - NEVER AGAIN
25. Learn to fly.. Without a plane, like with just my arms.
26. A vasectomy-- I realize this is impossible, but I would still rather.
27. Run naked across BYU Campus (bahaha can you imagine what the Mormon's would do!?)
28. Along with the naked running, I would skinny dip in the fountain between the Museum and the Theater
29. Texting while driving (Far away from Utah, and thus this meeting)
30. My Sarah's hair... I think that is what I am going to do.

Guys, I love my church, I really do, but Relief Society Functions make me cringe. I just need a coke, some chocolate, and a Vicodin... Just kidding about the Vicodin....   

Fifty Shades of Bored.

I am bored.

Utterly bored.

I have no homework,

 no tests

 my living room has been cleaned.

My dishes done.

All the books are read, all the movies watched, all the TV shows caught up on.

I have nothing.

So what does one do when they are bored?
This:

Yes, that's right I got so low I turned on Twilight.
Correction I am watching Twilight.
Right now.
I am at fake La Push, "Wolves, like real wolves?"
Can I tell you something guys? Those of you who obviously read my blog (all 3 of you). Well you can't stop me from telling you, you could stop reading I suppose, but that wouldn't really phase me.

Twilight is complete BS.

B.S. 

(No. I don't mean bologna sandwich)

And, I am editing my real thoughts because some people have sensitive eyes, and when they see cuss words, their eyes start bleeding, and the foam at the mouth -the same foam  that comes to the mouth of your neighborhood Republicans, whenever you say the word OBAMA!  (After this I will be using real words REAL LIVE CUSS WORDS, because honestly it is my emotional feeling.anyone who cant handle the word "Sex" should just exit out right now):.Okay I have tangent for a minute (which I will section off in BLUE! 

Does anyone else feel like all of this political crap is also B.S? Seriously, I personally want to punch everyone in the throats, and vote for Nader. Honestly.  Every time I see a post from my more than to vocal "friends" on Facebook, I contemplate changing my name, moving to Scotland, and becoming a hermit in a moor. Me And Lochy (The monster) could hang out, eat some fish, and no foaming republicans/democrats could find me. Me and Lochy would create a republic where we just traded every four years, and no one would tell me what to do. Or who to believe, or who to vote for, OR WHAT TELEVISION SHOWS ARE
"SMUTTY", and what I can watch. Because obviously I am going to hell because I watch Modern Family, and I am a declared Independent, who may one day vote for a DEMOCRAT/ REPUBLICAN (however I don't think I will ever vote for a Mormon (and I am one), unless it is woman. 

As I was saying.  Twilight is B.S. The only thing that is worse then it is this:

And, in all honesty, I think these might have been better. Because at least they had a better plot
For those of you to good to read them the plot went something like this
INTERVIEW
DATE
CONTRACT
SEX
SEX
JK NO CONTRACT
SEX
LOVE/WHOO I'm A SADIST! Oh wait, that isn't a real medical term? WTF!!!!!
SEX
SEX
FREAK ACCIDENT
LOVE
SEX
SEX
MARRIAGE
LOVE
BABY!
SEX
HOUSE!
SEX
SEX
THE END
Honestly, at least they had a good scene where you thought maybe he was dead and THE MISERY WAS OVER!!!!

The two things they had in common where that they both
HAD ABUSIVE MEN, AND PEOPLE WHO ARE RIDICULOUSLY ATTRACTIVE, BUT HAVE SUPER UNATTRACTIVE PERSONALITIES!
Honestly, women, is this what we want? To be abused? This... Is sick. You know what I want? Someone who doesn't treat me like crap, someone who doesn't lie about their life to fit into a role that people expect them to. I  want someone who doesn't subjectivity women. Someone who isn't so wrapped up in themselves,   in their personal "drama"  whatever it is (Abusive mom, Vampire, Porn problems, Drug problems, Serial Killer,etc) that everything has to be about them. Take Christian for example DOES HE EVER ASK ANA What she wants!? No he is just like OH I am brooding LETS GET NAKED! Then there is EDWARD! Who goes, OH I want to suck your blood sooo bad. I am I monster!

As I was saying.... Before the tangent that we shall call the Fifty Shades of Tangent (Which I personally think was better then the book) Twilight is where I turn when I am bored.
And you know why?
Because
I
AM
A
SICK
HUMAN BEING.
I have to resort to such boring and tedious things to have any joy in my life.
Do you realize that I read the  Fifty Shades of Grey Series  TWICE. TWICE this summer, because honestly I got a thrill out of seeing the word "fuck" in a sentence, and still being good person.

And I'm a Mormon.

 Surprise! I am an active member. And just in case you guys were wondering,  I apologized to those of you whom I lied to. I read Fifty Shades all the way through, and I really didn't get any kicks from it, I found it repetitious and dull.
But yet.
I find myself
watching
Twilight.

I need entertainment.
I may pull a Sherlock and shoot a wall out of my frustration.

I think the root of my problem is.
 I hate political debates
I hate being told what to do
I didn't have class today, and I miss having to use my brain
And
I hate, that nothing surprises me anymore. I hate that everything is predictable.
Just like these awful movies and books. Everything stays the same, everything is predictable, and dull. I need something, anything to break the tedium.

What do you do? How do you cope?