I don't know about you guys, but I think 2012 was a dark year. I went into it thinking that after the previous year, it couldn't get any worse, but obviously the universe was laughing at me as I thought that. Everything that could go wrong seemed to, I had a break-up that pretty much incapacitated me for six month (I was pathetic I know), my parents moved from my hometown to the worse place on earth (Missouri) I had a not to subtle or quiet emotional break down, I even wear glasses now my eyes gave up on me too! It felt like I spent most of my year either crying or angry, super healthy I know. However, as I began to reflect on the past year, and the goals I made for the year, I realized that it wasn't all bad, most things aren't. I actually completed most of my goals for the year (Three pounds from the forty I wanted but for all intents and purposes I think I deserve to round up!)
So many things have happened, to get me where I am. I have no date for New Years Eve, something I would have been distraught about before, however now I am ecstatic to watch Doctor Who into the New Year, surrounded by the not so little kids. I feel happy with who I am, alone and while I do constantly dream about the Doctor falling in love with me and us running together for the rest of my life, I can handle just being at BYU with my friends, happy to be able to make decisions based on me. I have done things this year that when I made my 2012 bucket list I didn't think I could accomplish but you better bet I did.
Not only that, but I also made a decision, after spending the last 10 years trying to be like all the people around me, good at crafts, perfect cooks, perfectly fit and happy. I decided that I was done. I am done trying to craft, because it is a hell of a lot easier just to buy a damn card and mail it. I am done pretending that when I grow up I am going to crapbook sorry..scrapbook, or even own a crapbook, or a cricket.. Because, what's the point? I would rather spend my time doing things don't include cutting, because I just can't. I can't cut with scissors, however I am really good with a scalpel no worries. I am not creative enough to make elaborate artwork out of toilet paper rolls, and frankly I think it's disgusting. I guess what I am saying, is I am done pretending that I am going to be this molly mormon, who is looking for a husband and family so I have an excuse to have a horded pile of crapbook supplies. Because, that doesn't make me happy.
And I think that is the thing, I watch so many people around me be unhappy, hell I was unhappy. I used to think that if I could just be a little bit more like Matthews mom, I would be one step closer to being the right type of wife, woman, mormon, person, homosapian,etc. If I could fake caring about making cards, crapbook, cooking gourmet meals, being overly involved, being good at photography and to top it off be able to decorate with things I have made from scratch that somehow I would find my happiness, and I would be content to just be. But the truth is the more I tried to do just that, the more depressed I got about my future, was that really what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? And the answer was a huge resounding Hell No. Hell No do I want to cut myself on paper, Hell No I don't want to spend hours in a kitchen making meals, Hell No do I ever plan using toilet paper rolls as art. Just HELL NO. I have so much more to me than that, I have plans and goals, and honestly they created catering for a reason. I am just not that mold, I am not going to be married at nineteen, nor will I have a baby in my teens. And praise Allah for that, I don't HAVE to do what I don't want to.
So as I shove 2012 out the back door and open the front for 2013, I am excited to see what trials and joys I get in the coming year. It is with a happy heart and a centered soul I begin to save for my trips to France and Portland ;) , work my butt off for good grades, make new friend, and cherish the old friendships, I plan on loving every damn moment of my busy life, because this is the time I get to keep learning and growing and discovering more strength in me then I though I could ever have.
Goodbye 2012, thank you for all you have taught me. Now, get the hell out.
So many things have happened, to get me where I am. I have no date for New Years Eve, something I would have been distraught about before, however now I am ecstatic to watch Doctor Who into the New Year, surrounded by the not so little kids. I feel happy with who I am, alone and while I do constantly dream about the Doctor falling in love with me and us running together for the rest of my life, I can handle just being at BYU with my friends, happy to be able to make decisions based on me. I have done things this year that when I made my 2012 bucket list I didn't think I could accomplish but you better bet I did.
Not only that, but I also made a decision, after spending the last 10 years trying to be like all the people around me, good at crafts, perfect cooks, perfectly fit and happy. I decided that I was done. I am done trying to craft, because it is a hell of a lot easier just to buy a damn card and mail it. I am done pretending that when I grow up I am going to crapbook sorry..scrapbook, or even own a crapbook, or a cricket.. Because, what's the point? I would rather spend my time doing things don't include cutting, because I just can't. I can't cut with scissors, however I am really good with a scalpel no worries. I am not creative enough to make elaborate artwork out of toilet paper rolls, and frankly I think it's disgusting. I guess what I am saying, is I am done pretending that I am going to be this molly mormon, who is looking for a husband and family so I have an excuse to have a horded pile of crapbook supplies. Because, that doesn't make me happy.
And I think that is the thing, I watch so many people around me be unhappy, hell I was unhappy. I used to think that if I could just be a little bit more like Matthews mom, I would be one step closer to being the right type of wife, woman, mormon, person, homosapian,etc. If I could fake caring about making cards, crapbook, cooking gourmet meals, being overly involved, being good at photography and to top it off be able to decorate with things I have made from scratch that somehow I would find my happiness, and I would be content to just be. But the truth is the more I tried to do just that, the more depressed I got about my future, was that really what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? And the answer was a huge resounding Hell No. Hell No do I want to cut myself on paper, Hell No I don't want to spend hours in a kitchen making meals, Hell No do I ever plan using toilet paper rolls as art. Just HELL NO. I have so much more to me than that, I have plans and goals, and honestly they created catering for a reason. I am just not that mold, I am not going to be married at nineteen, nor will I have a baby in my teens. And praise Allah for that, I don't HAVE to do what I don't want to.
So as I shove 2012 out the back door and open the front for 2013, I am excited to see what trials and joys I get in the coming year. It is with a happy heart and a centered soul I begin to save for my trips to France and Portland ;) , work my butt off for good grades, make new friend, and cherish the old friendships, I plan on loving every damn moment of my busy life, because this is the time I get to keep learning and growing and discovering more strength in me then I though I could ever have.
Goodbye 2012, thank you for all you have taught me. Now, get the hell out.
