When You Lose Your Marbles.

Here is a little disclaimer right now. I am pissed. Really pissed. So good luck.

 I have been living with the same three girls for the last two years and I have a few things I have come in contact with some things I didn't know existed until recently.

                                              1. Blond Hair Spider (blondushairaranae)

Yes, you got it, that is a Blonde Hair Spider, a rare species in many part of the world, Hair Spider is an abundant species in my house. They sneak up on you where you least expect the, The Kitchen, behind the T.V and most shockingly in bra's and underwear. How they get there no one knows. Famous spider scientist Gaylord Hammer has postulated that they do in fact have teleporting abilities, and thus are able to begin to bother you at the weirdest moments until you pull a Blond Hair Spider out of your butt crack in the middle of work, wondering how in the hell it got there in the first place. 

2. Odoriferous Canal 

Like many canals around the world, Odoriferous Canal is named after it's most notable feature. This canal has over time had a build up of left over egg bits, spinach, and mushrooms. That have built up until the system was unable to take it any longer and has refused like me, to have to deal with shit any longer. It smells like a combination of rotting meat, rotten eggs, and a bad case of diarrhea that was left in an diaper overnight. And yes in case you were wondering this is a clean day dishes wise. 

3. Blondus Fungi

 This species is very rare but extremely potent. It seemingly multiplies over night and brings with it a bluish gel that some researchers have said looks, taste, and feels like toothpaste. It is found in sinks, primarily ones that have no running water due to a plumbing problems. No matter what you use to remove it, it still seems to show back up within twenty four hours with a few thousand of it's friends. It has many side effects not limited to decreased appetite, irrational anger, decreased sexual drive,thoughts of murder,  insomnia, and erectile dysfunctions

4. Oatmeal

This little bugger is a well known food that is enjoyed my many mammals. Many enjoy it with brown sugar or  cinnamon. However, oatmeal is a true menace to society. Many have used it for decorating, "What!?" you may ask yourself "Who the Hell would use Oatmeal?!" and the answer is people who are tacky. Yep you heard that right. And when their roommate finally get's sick of their vase (pronounced VAUSE because it was freakin' expensive) being filled with oats and fake flowers she throws  fit during General Conference and  dumps them into a plastic bag and doesn't care that there are now oats allover the floor. She then being so impassioned about stupidity spends the subsequent hours throwing her stuff into boxes so that others won't  ruin her things with oats. 

I am counting the days until Sarah and I get the hell out of here. I never thought that I would be so uncomfortable to be in my house that I feel the need to hide to be safe from roommates. I never thought I would live in a house that looks like a hoarders home. I never thought that I would be so angry that my kitchen smells like death, that I would consider pulling a Thomas Monson and burning down my apartment. And I never thought I would be so excited to move three blocks.

Get Me the Hell Out of Here