Oh!

Track has ended. Ap Chemistry is basically over... Band is almost over. The school year is almost over, and with it I feel strangely like it is taking part of my youth with it. I can feel it, the difference in me now, so much stronger then it ever was before. I am getting ready for my life after high school, constantly I think about whats next, what about later, will I use this later? I have major senioritis and I am still a junior.
Often I find my self longing for past days though. I long for the days that I could jump into our pool, even though it was green more often then not, and because of my bug phobia I had to clean it meticulous I still long for the carefree childhood. Perhaps I long for them because today felt unbearably hot to me ( a whole 80 degrees), and a swimming pool is all I can think about.
Life is changing and evolving before my eyes. Relationships are changing, people are changing, minds our changing. As human beings I suppose it is in our nature to change, but yet some days I long to be little and crawl up on my mothers lap in the blue rocker we had for so long, and fall asleep as my mom tries futile to get my mane of hair out of her face. But on the other side, I long for the day when I decided what I eat for dinner and I get to clean when I want. It is hard line, the wanting to stay a child, but wanting to grow up.