Willpower

I have never thought I had a "real" vivid imagination. I don't see images in my head the way I suppose others do. Rather I have vivid feelings, and I can hear things (wow now I sound psycho). What I mean is that I can feel the wind off the ocean, and i can taste the salt in the air, I can hear the crash of the waves on the shore, and the call of seagulls, but for the life of me, I can't see it. I want to see it, but I can't. But I have reconciled with myself. I am glad I can feel and taste, and hear, even if I am still blind. I very rarely get into dreams that just feel real. Probably because I am blind. I can always adjust thing, I am always in control. Its a curse, its a blessing.
Willpower, is extremely difficult for me. I don't like waiting, and I don't like not getting what I want. If I want a Pepsi, I want it now, not in five minutes, not in ten minutes now. I guess that is another one of my fatal flaws (along with Vanity). I have no patience. The Lord and I have been working on it for a long time. Sometimes I pray so hard for something, and I don't get what I want. I want to curse everything, I want to turn my back. Yet, somehow if I have the willpower to wait. Everything turns out fabulous in the end. For example Walla Walla.
I loved Gig Harbor, absolutely. I never wanted to leave. Why would I? I was in one of the best schools in Washington State. I had the best friends, and a great ward. I was with people I had gone to middle school, and I had a Target. Yet somehow the Lord knew that I needed to be in Walla Walla. I begged and pleaded, how could I leave everything I had worked for? So, I hated Walla Walla simply for existing. Life still went on, I just tried to live it as little as possible. I hated the town, the house, the people, the school, everything. I found no happiness anywhere. The Lord though, knew it was what I needed. I got good friends, people I truly enjoy, and someone I never thought I would find. I excepted at a young age that I was always to be the best friend. I was not what the average boy found pretty, I was just me. I accepted that, with a few broken hearts, and dashed dreams. At first Walla Walla seemed as though it would be the same. I was just the girl they turned to, for a movie night, or occasional just friends and never anything more dates. As always I accepted my fate and moved on, what more could I do? I still prayed, and I still got no at every turn. I watched as my friends had relationships that came and went, and yet I was still just the friend. I got lucky I suppose. Somehow someone did find me special. He, made me realize I could be more than just me. No one understands how truly he saved me. He made me realize I was worth being more then the best friend who is just there, always there. More then the girl who encourages her friends when she feels like she is dying inside. And for the first time in a long time, the Lord gave me a yes. A resounding yes. It hasn't been easy, and there are a fair share of problems. Yet every time I get frustrated, or worried. I can still feel the yes. I suppose I just got way off what I wanted to say. Willpower, the willpower to wait is the most excruciating and upsetting process ever, and yet I have learned that waiting is well worth it. My imagination, although limited has helped me through a lot. When I need to go to the beach just the ability to hear the sounds, or feel the water (wow I really do sound crazy! Oh well...) has helped me. And the ability to have willpower, with the help of an imagination, will help anyone to get the resounding yes. The feeling of true happiness. Not a happily ever after, that doesn't come for a long time, but the happy you can have, even when there are still trials in your life, is well worth the wait.