Chaos

Chaos, is a funny thing, people everywhere try so hard to avoid it. People go to such extremes to get out of chaotic events, and I am the opposite, I cherish it.  Anyone who knows my family knows that we thrive in chaos.  With eight people in my family, there is always SOMETHING going on. We are loud, and over the top. We cry loud, we laugh loud, and we love loud!  In my house someone, is always touching you, with their sticky fingers, or yelling to close to your ears or spilling their sandwich crumbs down your shirt. It sounds crazy and maybe a little uncomfortable at first, my family welcomes everyone and loves everyone. When I was in High School our house always had a guest in it, granted it was normally one of my friends from high school, but our door was always open.  My friends just walked in, and my mom always made enough dinner to ensure that if a guest stopped by, or if we found a homeless person we wanted to invite for dinner, they had a spot and a meal.  I love it, I love the chaos of my house, I love walking in and seeing toys strewn all over the floor, the backpacks of all of our friends strewn across the floor, and the ten or twelve ramen packets by the stove, because it was Wednesday, and that is what my mom would let us eat. Our house always had crumbs on the counter,  a towel on the floor in the bathroom, and a lot of loud singing. We had a holes in our walls (cough* nick* cough),  and you could guarantee that you would find food somewhere it shouldn’t be (like the entertainment center, seriously Eliza!)

As my family gets older, and we move away from the sticky fingers, and the babies climbing all over us I find myself missing those moments of chaos. Where Eliza was drawing on me with her chocolate covered fingers, while Bonnie “braided” my hair, and Jonathan and Jeremy argued about Pokémon in my ears. That little bit of chaos that was so fleeting is gone now, replaced by silly kisses, loud laughter at the dinner table over something Justin said, and the occasional drama from our “brain tumors”.  I love the chaos in my life, without it; there would be too much silence, to many moments that aren’t filled with true joy.

This is why I love Portland.  I love sitting and having chaos around me. I love the loud people, the crazy people, and the sheer noise. It makes me think of home.  I love feeling like things are just barely under control.   I love that people are welcome to be whoever they are, the good, and the bad. I love that for once in my life I don’t stand out as the loudest, or the craziest, just like at home. Everyone has their own chaos within them, and together we create a hive, each world briefly touching as we pass one another.  A look, a smile, or a shared eye roll, we each interact with each other contributing the each other’s chaotic world. I think it is a beautiful thing.  Silence and stillness has a place within each person, but it is chaos that brings me alive.