Ever feel like someone else is laughing at you?

Well, this week I decided there is someone, because honestly, its been crazy. In the last week I have Had the Stomach flu, been to the hospital to find out why I was hurting (yay for science and medicine), I have had fevers, been unable to sleep due to a cold and then my body just decided it hated me, and gave up forever... Ha and that was by Tuesday (luckily my cold was nearly gone)... Sometime I wonder, why. In any case my week has consisted of tons of sleep and concoctions of medications.

Tuesday was just about the coolest day ever too. I got to watch our local Orthopedic Surgeon (Dr. Wilwand) perform and A.C.L and Rotator Cuff Surgery. It was honestly the most amazing experience ever. I loved the entire process. I have watched a fair share of arthroscopic surgeries on YouTube (Yes I may have a slightly sick obsession), but seeing it actually being done by not only someone I knew, but actually being in the room, was awesome. Made my life. I wish I could properly explain the excitement I felt. You know how some people get a total rush from running (the crazy-o's)? Well I have never felt that before, but I have a feeling it was nearly how I felt watching surgery. It was so cool watching someone get fixed, and knowing what was going on. I want to be able to do that! I was so energized and ready I wanted to just know what was going on just so I could do it (lucky for the patient I don't think I would have been allowed :P). I truly think Medicine is where I want to be. I have never felt so energized and wanting to know everything going on and being so engaged in something for so long, ever! I guess the next thousand years of school will be worth it if I enjoy that as much as I did yesterday.

Saturday was Sadies! It was so much fun! I love going to dances (not the actual dance). I have been blessed with some really great friends, and I can honestly say there is never a dull moment with my friends! From Chubby Bunny (J won with 21 marshmallow's), to wondering if we were going to get arrested for having a fire in town I had a blast! I am so grateful for all the parents who let us use there house's (and decorated absolutely adorably). It was a fun night... Now I have to start thinking about Prom!

I have officially deemed March, March Madness, and I am not talking about Basketball. Every March I hit the annoyed with everything around me, this year later than last. I am so tired of cold winterness (Not a word I know!) and all I dream about is shorts and swimming pools (not to mention Cool Diet Pepsi or Lemonade, in a glass, sitting next to me as I read in my A/C house)And WATERMELON! I really love watermelon, and feel like the summer doesn't truly start until I take a bit out of the best watermelon ever (as it always seems like it is after winter fruits). I have decided to beat the Madness this year though. I refuse to want to strangle everything, from the book i'm reading to the dishes I have to wash. and instead focus on the good (like the fact that everyday gets me closer to the perfect watermelon, and the sun, and Wicked, and GRAD!!). Thank heavens for April, I may make it.... Maybe...

Maybe I am doing something right!

just a tiny update! today I weighed myself, I am down 5 pounds! Small step but I am super excited! Keeps me going! Only a billion left to go... haha

Oh Happy Day!

Obviously I think a lot about money lately, what do you expect out of a nearly college student though? ( I am counting, and we are extremely close to grad!) . I am looking for a summer job (seemingly fruitlessly, I just DO NOT want to do fast food), and I am pinching every penny, all of the sudden a two dollar soda feels like two dollars that should be spent somewhere else, like my nearly empty college fund. So Scholarships have become increasingly important, and believe me I have filled out quiet a few! It seems futile to fill them out, I just felt like I was never getting a response, BUT Wonder of wonder Miracle of Miracle! I have officially gotten a scholarship that is to last for the next for years, if I do 15 hours of community service, for half of my tuition atBYU!! I am, to say the least ECSTATIC!! While its only about $2,280 a year, its half of my tuition, and maybe, just maybe I will be getting out of my first four years of college without debt ( then next bagillion are another question, curse you Med School!) So YAY!! Maybe the 268 hours of community service in my high school career ARE paying off!!

I recently decided that my weight was an issue. Well okay no, its always been an issue but generally I just felt like all my attempts where futile, and then when I was sick this last Sunday I was watching Infomercials (if you ever want one good reason to go to church, its there is no good T.V. on Sunday). P90-x's commercial came on, and BAM I was just inspired, if I hadn't spent the day puking I probably would have gotten up and starting doing push ups. I had to have the system... Sadly I didn't have all the equipment/ the system to start. Luckily Matt had it, and very graciously offered to let me use it (Thanks to his mother too for letting me invade their house everyday!). Phew!! can I tell you! The first day I thought I was going to die, I honestly don't think I have sweat that much... Ever! I was so dead tired! But then an odd thing happened, I got super energized that night! I thought I was going to explode how much energy I had! I jumped on my trampoline for nearly an hour just trying to get rid of some of the extra energy. By Wednesday though, my body hurt, everywhere. I couldn't stand, sit, or barely move without feeling like I was going to just fall into a million pieces. Mercifully the guy behind the system, knew that I was going to die, and we did yoga Thursday, and I feel great!! everything got so stretched and zen (by Wednesday I was just ready to quit, I know I am a hard worker). It totally helped me refocus! I have a little problem with the guy I think his name is Tony, he is super egotistical, but you know, maybe he has a right to be his system is godly! I am down nearly four pounds.... In a week.

My life is going crazy. I am feeling so good ( Thank you P90-x) and I am generally happy! I love the feeling of happy, makes everything feel right. Even hard situations aren't as bad as I sometimes feel like they are. Silver-lining I guess, or that we finally have the SUN!! I am soaking in the vitamin d and so joyful about it!I don't know how people couldn't be happy right now. I know there is toil and strife in the world. Sometimes life is hard, so very hard. I guess in those moments I remember the words of a wise old turtle

Yesterday is history, tomorrows a mystery, today's a gift thats why its called the present!

Maybe its just because I am happy to have the Gospel in my life. sometimes when I feel like I have no capability to go on, like everything I do is wrong, I remember my Saviour oh how I love him!

Oh Happy Day!!

... I have to pay WHAT?

I guess I eventually had to grow up. But I really didn't want to.... Being an almost adult, kinda really sucks. When I was a kid I had about five things I really ever "worried" about:
1. What's for dinner?
2. Can my friend come over?
3. Why is Justin being Dumb?
4. Would my mom let me watch tv?
5. What book was I going to get at the library?

... I wish I could say that by Eight my list had changed much, but it hadn't, but by middle school it changed to:
1. Did anybody like me?
2. Why was Fish (My Nemesis, long story...)being rude?
3. Did I have Math homework?
4. What was for dinner?
5. What book was I getting when I went to the library?

Sigh... I loved Middle School, and then the biggest and most difficult change of all High School occurred, and with it a whole new set of question
1. Did I really have to go?
2. Did anyone like me?
3. Did I have to do my math Homework?
4. What was for dinner?
5. What book was I getting when I went to the library?

So, as you can see up to to extremely recently I was content in a little world, where I got everything I wanted, and everything was much more trivial. Then, I applied and got ACCEPTED too 5/5 of colleges I applied to. How absolutely over the moon I was! I had the whole world at my fingertips! I got to DECIDE!... Then I started reading, and my world that once only cared for money for the books it bought me, and the occasional ice cream, change.
16,000
20,000!
30,000!!
Who had this type of money lying around? Who wanted me to pay it!? Where they crazy!? I need four more years maybe? AHHHHHHHHH
Thank Heaven for BYU!!
My world suddenly started to change, money really was important! It made you go. It gave you dinner, and a house, and clothes, and Diet Pepsi! And suddenly I didn't have as much as I wanted... needed...etc... So I devised a brilliant bank scheme, that would make me billions... Then I remembered prison, and left that idea in the dark....

I have to get a job.
The End...



Okay Not really the end, I actually had a reason for the previous rant... So I have become money conscious, I notice literally every dime nickel and penny I spend, and second guess everything I spend wondering if I should just save it so I don't really just live of Ramen in college



Yummy Ramen...
So I went to the gas station today. Last time I went gas cost $3.37, which I thought was a high but, you know... I had to drive. So today I drove into my neighborhood friendly Tom Cheveron, and gas was $3.59. I nearly died. I was NOT going to spend NEARLY FOUR DOLLARS!!! For gas. no way wasn't happening, I am just going to walk everywhere from now on... Okay not really, I just decided to drive to our neighborhood friendly Milton-Freewater Shell station where it was a much more reasonable (ha) $3.57 and they pumped it for me...

Sigh... Growing up... Darn you and your cost.

How life changes. How joyous and sorrowful it can be. How funny and how disheartening. How worth the ride and the journey to get the moments of happiness. The end goal is so fantastic, and the journey begins, at least for me, with Gas. :)

My Best Friend...S...

I have had a plethora of people come in and out of my life. Having lived in so many places, I have acquired many different relationships with people. Some good, some bad. So many different relationships, some that were brief moments, some that have lasted much longer then I would have ever expected. Many stand out to me, so many great people. But today I have two special people in mind.
First. My dearest Emily Lou, as I have and will always call her. She and I have been friends for about five years, and her joy and light have illuminated my life for so long. She has changed my view on friendships, and has helped me see the true power of a souls being bound to one another. She has protected me when I was feeling vulnerable, and I like to think that I have too. She has taught me a new love for sugar. Not just in the candy form ( although milky ways will always make me giggle), but also in the icing sugar form. I never would have thought to dip my finger in a new icing container (Never to "scoop" only to spread, believe me it is a very precise thing with her). And honestly I never would have thought that someone really loved sugar so much that she would eat it off the spoon from the bucket of sugar, oh! How I love her. She is my closest girl friend, and she makes me smile all the time. Our friendship is not based upon convenience, we truly have cultivated a friendship based upon how different we are. We always say there is no way we ever could have become friends, and yet we are. How I love her truly

My other friend I met in a completely different way. He and I never would have been friends if it hadn't been for an odd train of events... The first time I ever talked to him, he doesn't remember. I told him that I was going to marry him because of his last name... It was a slightly embarrassing moment in my life, but what do you expect? When I get uncomfortable, I start making awkward small talk, and I was in
a. A seminary class
b. I didn't know anybody in there really
and
c. Well... I am just an awkward person?
Anyway, after that I somewhat avoided Matthew, I didn't want to explain, my ridiculous nature, but hey... That who I am.
Eventually we made friends obviously, and he has become special to me. He is willing regardless of the time, or day, or what's going on. He is willing to just say to me, I'm here tell me, or I'm sorry I can't change the situation, but just know I am always there for you. How thankful I am to have him in my life. After a hard adjustment to living in our small town, I am glad that I finally have the ability to have someone to talk to at every turn. He never sees how much of a difference it makes to me that he listens, to all I have to say, even though it is really a lot... Poor guy... I am so grateful to have him.

So many amazing people have been in and out of my life, so many that it seems nearly impossible to thank them all for all they do. My life has been filled with joy and love by people who have helped shape who I am today. How grateful am I for their influence. I have truly been blessed.

"I Can Tell That We Are Going To Be Friends"