I'm Sorry Cookies

I don't believe in them.

I feel like the only way to make a difference is to truly show you've changed. I guess I have a problem, I don't forget easily what people have done to me. I know what its like to be the one hurting people, just because you can. And I have had Karma Slap me in the face multiple times, and teach me that the way you treat people can change how they see the world. I have been treated badly, and I have been change because of it. Until very recently, I had never thought of these moments as an opportunity to learn and grow (many thanks to Lisa for teaching me this lesson). So now I look at life a bit differently. It wasn't okay the way I was treated, but I WAS treated that way, and the only way that I will gain anything but hurt from it is to realize that it was an opportunity for me to grow.

So this leads me to a question... Is it okay to stand by and watch people hurt others?

I don't think so. I am protective, Very Very protective of my friends, and family. I don't want people to ever have to experience the hurt that I felt when I was alienated from others. But... I am starting to wonder if it is really better just to make cookies and pretend nothing ever happened. Maybe keeping the peace is better.

On a completely different note: I got a job! woohoo! This means I may be able to eat in college!

The Future Van Gogh

disclaimer: I really am not an artist, nor will I ever be!

I really love making food. I love making dinner and I LOVE the art ( thats why I am a future Van Gogh!) of it. I love thinking up new recipes and hoping they work. I love the whole idea. I try to never follow recipes, I love just seeing what I can create. I have made a plethora of foods in my life. Blue Pasta, Pink Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, Random sauces, and about fifteen thousand different sauces and oil mixtures for pasta. I love knowing that what I just created, was mine, and while there are other things out there like it, no one has ever made it just like I did. I really don't enjoy eating what I make though. So, its a win win for me because I don't gain the calories from all the fat, but I get the enjoyment, and a little bit of the taste. I love it, anytime you want something new, give me a call, I always feel in my element.

Our dance theme for this month is eighty's and I got the "opportunity" to help plan! My friend Nick and I made the coolest pac-man set for the wall, it is LEGIT!! And we really are working hard! Its our last dance we are ever going to plan, so we are hoping its the best!!

Off to life I suppose. Sadly English homework doesn't do itself, sigh!! 34 school days 'till graduation!!

Nineteenth Century

Most of the time I know that I was born in the right century. I have a list of about two hundred things that I can't live with out

1. Toilets -I'm sorry, but it has to be said, as much as I want to not be able to flush...Ew I can't even use porta-potties

2. Jeans - Honestly I can't even contemplate wearing fifteen billion layers. Give me jeans any day

3. Sweats -The only thing I love more then jeans. I love comfort

4. Modern Medicine - I just KNOW that I wouldn't have lasted I would have gotten some rare unknown disease.

5. Diet Pepsi - Honestly how man ever existed before it is a complete mystery to me.

Ha the list goes on and on about what I love about our day in age, and yet I find myself constantly escaping into the worlds of the Bronte's and Austen.

How I love the whole concept. Proper behavior, curtsies, and courtships. I suppose I am just a sucker for a good love story. And how perfect do they seem in romancing one another

"You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever"

Sigh how can people not get goosebumps!? Oh how I love literature. It makes me long for days gone by, and to create my own perfect story so that I can laugh at the petty love of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth (not that I think I will ever be able to, because honestly I love it). I am a sucker for love, somedays I long to, don a dress, jump in a carriage and ride off into the sunset with my very own Fitzwilliam Darcy. Then I have to come back to the real world, and remember that we don't ride in Carriages anymore, and that the only time I will be ever in a dress with a guy, is at the various school dances, which do not have the same appeal as a ball (but at least I get to go with a fantastic guy).

But now I must apologize my dear readers. For my mind has been altered considerably over the course of the last hour. I have watched a film, the likes of which I hold in the highest esteem. Bear with the imaginings of my heart.

Off into the sunset I ride, waving a handkerchief at my darling Mama. My gown, is the finest I could acquire , and the man at my side, the one who has bewitched me, body and soul. He loves me and I he. We shall live together at his estate. Forever loving and enjoying one another's company.

"They walked on, without knowing in what direction. There was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects".

Ditching Walla Walla

I got myself out of Walla Walla this weekend, and headed to Utah! Visiting my future home. It's crazy, I have never felt a real connection to Utah, I honestly have a problem with it, but now its going to be home, so I am trying to soak it all it. Let me tell you there are way to many Mormon's here. I mean, I walk down the street and you see Mormon mothers with their four dozen children and my goodness is it crazy! I suppose I will have get use to it (or find and hang out with my Jews). I like it on the other hand, I like seeing dumb Mormon silly things. I have found a couple I really like:

Daily Bread Food Storage

Church. Caffeinated. (None Mormon but only found in Utah)

Less is Mormon

I just thought those were funny. I also have decided that people in Utah Valley are way to worried about their appearance All the way down from Brigham City to Provo and beyond there are a plethora of signs all about changing how one looks. At first I thought it was funny, but now I think it's sad. Why are people so worried about looking the same way they did at fourteen? Maybe I am too young to understand, but I think that its sad.

I got the opportunistic to go to General Conference yesterday. It was fantastic. I love the spirit that radiates in the Conference Center. What amazing men and women we have in charge of our church. What a lucky generation and people we are. Thank heavens for their faith and truth, what example's they are to me.

Today we are down to exactly two months until graduation. I am super excited!! I am apparently way too excited, but if it helps I am also nervous beyond belief.

I am also a month away from going to Wicked! I am so excited! Its the one play I have always wanted to see it, and now I am going!! Yay!! ahh so excited!

I really do love the church. I think its amazing. I love the Latter Day Saints, I am not really against them ( I am part of them so i better like them), but I just really love making fun of Utah....

Okay time for General Conference