General Relief Society Meeting

So its the dreaded time a year again, The General Relief Society Meeting. Now, I am sure these women are fantastic, and that some people love this, but I can't handle it. It is hard enough for me to sit still to watch a movie/ T.V. shows that I ENJOY, let alone the on going topic of: Pioneers, Our Divine Roles, and Motherhood. So I have a list for you all! Also! Thanks to people who are out there reading! I had fifty hits in 20 minutes the other day! Fifty! (Ironic I know). So my list

Thirty things to do When You are Supposed to be A Good Mormon

1.Read Fifty Shades of Grey and/or Twilight-- Yes I went there. 

2. Facebook- Which is it's own sort of agony

3. Blogging-Obviously.

4. Go out with your friends, REAL friends, not the fake ones

5.Get a tattoo-- ouch!
6. Childbirth (this is a maybe because I haven't actually done that yet)

7. Hiking- Yes I would rather hike

8. Get bitten/turned into a Zombie

9. Suffer through Testimony meeting

10. Spend a day with my ex-boyfriend-- Okay, this one is a stretch, I really don't want to do that ever. 

11. Walk 500 Miles, and then 500 More

12. See an R-rated movie

13. Stalk your gay lover
14. Walk to Missouri

15. Watch Doctor Who

16. Pick your nose, AND EAT IT! 

17. Play Wizards with the Lego Man (Granted, I want to do that all the time anyway)

18. Drink twelve caffinated beverages-- In progress.

19. Go to a Puritan Dance-- BAHAHA see what I did there!?  

20. Get into a political debate-- Yes I went there.
21.  Eat a whole pie, alone
22. Shave your whole body. Everything.
23 Get drunk, REALLY drunk (maybe that would make this go faster).
24 Sew a quilt - NEVER AGAIN
25. Learn to fly.. Without a plane, like with just my arms.
26. A vasectomy-- I realize this is impossible, but I would still rather.
27. Run naked across BYU Campus (bahaha can you imagine what the Mormon's would do!?)
28. Along with the naked running, I would skinny dip in the fountain between the Museum and the Theater
29. Texting while driving (Far away from Utah, and thus this meeting)
30. My Sarah's hair... I think that is what I am going to do.

Guys, I love my church, I really do, but Relief Society Functions make me cringe. I just need a coke, some chocolate, and a Vicodin... Just kidding about the Vicodin....   

Fifty Shades of Bored.

I am bored.

Utterly bored.

I have no homework,

 no tests

 my living room has been cleaned.

My dishes done.

All the books are read, all the movies watched, all the TV shows caught up on.

I have nothing.

So what does one do when they are bored?
This:

Yes, that's right I got so low I turned on Twilight.
Correction I am watching Twilight.
Right now.
I am at fake La Push, "Wolves, like real wolves?"
Can I tell you something guys? Those of you who obviously read my blog (all 3 of you). Well you can't stop me from telling you, you could stop reading I suppose, but that wouldn't really phase me.

Twilight is complete BS.

B.S. 

(No. I don't mean bologna sandwich)

And, I am editing my real thoughts because some people have sensitive eyes, and when they see cuss words, their eyes start bleeding, and the foam at the mouth -the same foam  that comes to the mouth of your neighborhood Republicans, whenever you say the word OBAMA!  (After this I will be using real words REAL LIVE CUSS WORDS, because honestly it is my emotional feeling.anyone who cant handle the word "Sex" should just exit out right now):.Okay I have tangent for a minute (which I will section off in BLUE! 

Does anyone else feel like all of this political crap is also B.S? Seriously, I personally want to punch everyone in the throats, and vote for Nader. Honestly.  Every time I see a post from my more than to vocal "friends" on Facebook, I contemplate changing my name, moving to Scotland, and becoming a hermit in a moor. Me And Lochy (The monster) could hang out, eat some fish, and no foaming republicans/democrats could find me. Me and Lochy would create a republic where we just traded every four years, and no one would tell me what to do. Or who to believe, or who to vote for, OR WHAT TELEVISION SHOWS ARE
"SMUTTY", and what I can watch. Because obviously I am going to hell because I watch Modern Family, and I am a declared Independent, who may one day vote for a DEMOCRAT/ REPUBLICAN (however I don't think I will ever vote for a Mormon (and I am one), unless it is woman. 

As I was saying.  Twilight is B.S. The only thing that is worse then it is this:

And, in all honesty, I think these might have been better. Because at least they had a better plot
For those of you to good to read them the plot went something like this
INTERVIEW
DATE
CONTRACT
SEX
SEX
JK NO CONTRACT
SEX
LOVE/WHOO I'm A SADIST! Oh wait, that isn't a real medical term? WTF!!!!!
SEX
SEX
FREAK ACCIDENT
LOVE
SEX
SEX
MARRIAGE
LOVE
BABY!
SEX
HOUSE!
SEX
SEX
THE END
Honestly, at least they had a good scene where you thought maybe he was dead and THE MISERY WAS OVER!!!!

The two things they had in common where that they both
HAD ABUSIVE MEN, AND PEOPLE WHO ARE RIDICULOUSLY ATTRACTIVE, BUT HAVE SUPER UNATTRACTIVE PERSONALITIES!
Honestly, women, is this what we want? To be abused? This... Is sick. You know what I want? Someone who doesn't treat me like crap, someone who doesn't lie about their life to fit into a role that people expect them to. I  want someone who doesn't subjectivity women. Someone who isn't so wrapped up in themselves,   in their personal "drama"  whatever it is (Abusive mom, Vampire, Porn problems, Drug problems, Serial Killer,etc) that everything has to be about them. Take Christian for example DOES HE EVER ASK ANA What she wants!? No he is just like OH I am brooding LETS GET NAKED! Then there is EDWARD! Who goes, OH I want to suck your blood sooo bad. I am I monster!

As I was saying.... Before the tangent that we shall call the Fifty Shades of Tangent (Which I personally think was better then the book) Twilight is where I turn when I am bored.
And you know why?
Because
I
AM
A
SICK
HUMAN BEING.
I have to resort to such boring and tedious things to have any joy in my life.
Do you realize that I read the  Fifty Shades of Grey Series  TWICE. TWICE this summer, because honestly I got a thrill out of seeing the word "fuck" in a sentence, and still being good person.

And I'm a Mormon.

 Surprise! I am an active member. And just in case you guys were wondering,  I apologized to those of you whom I lied to. I read Fifty Shades all the way through, and I really didn't get any kicks from it, I found it repetitious and dull.
But yet.
I find myself
watching
Twilight.

I need entertainment.
I may pull a Sherlock and shoot a wall out of my frustration.

I think the root of my problem is.
 I hate political debates
I hate being told what to do
I didn't have class today, and I miss having to use my brain
And
I hate, that nothing surprises me anymore. I hate that everything is predictable.
Just like these awful movies and books. Everything stays the same, everything is predictable, and dull. I need something, anything to break the tedium.

What do you do? How do you cope?

The Rapist at Le Petit Nicolas.

So I have this roommate. She is absolutely amazing. For about 10 reasons, including and not limited to the fact that she is BATMAN, also.. She puts up with me everyday, and every night, which is no easy feat. Anyway, last night I had one of the scariest moments in my life, and she was there to help me. it went something like this (some back story. I just went to a French Club movie (Le Petit Nicholas) and I wast walking home alone):
Me (to my self): hmm it is really dark and scary walking home at night, I am going to call SARAH so that she can talk to me while I walk home. (Number is dialed, Sarah picks up)
Sarah: Hello?
Me: Hey beautiful, I am scared a rapist is going to get me because it is really dark outside, so I called you.
Sarah: Oh good! I would be sad if a rapist got you.
Me: oh I am glad you would miss me.
Sarah: I never said that
Me: Oh I see how it is... So how is your day?
Sarah: Oh I am doing Physics
Me: Oh How fun!!
The conversation continued while I walked down a rather terrifying hill away from campus. The lights where flickering, and I swear there where people hiding in the bushes all around me. It looked like a scene from a terrifying movie.
Me: Ahh Sarah, I just walked past the bike rack, and there are tons of bikes still.. I think they are the bikes of the people that the serial killer murdered like in that episode of Criminal Minds we watched yesterday!
Sarah: Julia it's okay there is no serial killer today, and if there was I would get my bike and come save you
Me: would you put your helmet on first?
Sarah: Yes
Me: BY THE TIME YOU GET HERE I WILL BE DEAD!!
Sarah: No I will go super fast
Me:... I am terrified!!
Sarah: Calm down you are going to be okay, I will save you. You just punch them and run
Me: I can't run!!! I am in FLIP FLOPS!!!!
Sarah: take them off
Okay so our conversation continued and then, from behind me came THE MOST TERRIFYING NOISE FROM BEHIND ME (AKA a man clearing his throat).
Me: I'm GONNA DIE I'M GOING DIE I'm GOING TO DIIIIEEEE!!!!!!
Sarah: No you aren't its okay!!
Me: NO !!!! I AM DEAD SARAH!! I AM DEAD!! I'm DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD!!!!!!
Sarah: Calm down
Me: I AM GOING TO GET RAPED!!!
Sarah: No you aren't!
Me: SARAH YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND!!! I AM DEAD!!!!
As I said this a rather tall man walked by me, looked at me like I was crazy and carried on his merry way.
I slowed down so that he was far enough away that I could tell Sarah what had happened
Me:Sarah... Okay there was terrifying the rapist was behind me,  and we don't have a code name so I couldn't tell you that you needed to grab your helmet and come save me.
Sarah: I told you we need a code word! But no one believed me.
Me: I know, we sort of did, but that was when the rapist comes into our room not when the rapist is following us home to rape us and kill us!!
Sarah: Okay let's make one right now
Me: Okay!!
We came up with a word, and don't worry now we know what to do when a rapist comes. She waited at the door for me to come home. Sarah is amazing, she and I have a system in place so that when the murderer comes to get us we know how to dispose of his pieces....

Oh, how I love my Cinderpineshine!

Two People Who Changed My Life

Like most people, I have had those moments when my life has been completely altered by someone. However unlike most people who don't read on a regular basis, my life has been changed by two different authors. Now, there are so many more books and authors who have changed my perspective on life, but today I am thinking about two.

1. Oscar Wilde

Here's a little background on him. He lived in the late 1800's, he was Irish, and he was extremely controversial. He was married, after fathering 3 children, and he had a male lover. He was  thrown in prison because of his lover, and it changed his perspective on life. He was a satirical author, who made many comments on the Victorian age in which he lived. 

Now, that is all fine and dandy, I love that he was a rebel with his lover, and I love how brilliant he was with his pen. But, that isn't why he has changed my life. He changed my life with one quote: 

 How can you dispute this? I spent most of my life, just hoping that someone, anyone would fall into like with me that I never paused to think  when I was finally in a relationship if I felt ordinary. It goes back to what I said earlier in the summer; I want passion. I crave it honestly. I need someone to feel as passionately as I do about thing, or at least appreciate how passionate I am. I can't help it, I get obsessively passionate about things.  I have spent my entire life knowing that I am just not like everyone around me. It is how it is. I was homeschooled for heaven's sake! Can you think of less normal people (Besides the Amish, I mean common get a computer for crying out loud)? Granted I do have good social skills because my mother was very adamant in not raising bizarre homeschool kids, but she did raise us to be individual. I think sometimes she wonders if she did the right thing especially when Justin and I get going on some Doctor Who theory, or we start dancing in the grocery store, but hey that's who we are. Sorry, that was a tangent. As I was saying. This quote changed my life, because the fact of my life is

I 

AM

NOT

ORDINARY

And Praise Heaven for that one, I would be so DULL if I was. I am completely me, like it says in Princess and the Frog "Warts and All".  So,someone is going to want me for my abnormal bits and my slightly insane bits, and life will be good. Eventually. Until then thank heaven Oscar Wilde, who made me feel more normal... (Although maybe that just makes me crazy...)

2. Albert Camus

Senior year we had to read the book The Stranger (L’Étranger). It is a book about existentialism, and while I don't consider myself as one, it changed my life reading that book. I have always lived my life over analyzing things. Anyone who has met me would know. Like most writers in the world the simple act of picking up a pencil, I could over process until the universe rested on which pencil I chose. So it was... Maybe refreshing? To read a book so far from my own life. When I finished the book, I had to take a few days to process, and then I had to reread it. I have been in a constant state of re-reading it since then. I would suggest it to everyone. Read it. It will change your life. The other thing is this quote by him

Ha. I love this. For obvious reasons. I am striving every day to be my own act of rebellion, and I think maybe, just maybe it's working!

What do you think?  Am I just crazy??

Take these broken wings...

This tree is in Joplin Missouri. Every time I see it, I feel a sense of hope, that there will always
 be someone there for us. It speaks of the hope that people felt when the nation poured their help onto Joplin after the tornado. It gives me hope, when everything else seems dark. This was the best thing Missouri gave me.

I really have nothing else, except this quote by Kurt Vonnegut:

I would expound more, but I feel like this says it all. 


And, the Beatles to rock you into Sunday. 

Tomorrow I will write about the two authors that influenced my life forever. Stay Tuned :)