Happy Tears

So, I have this feeling inside me right now, and I just want to preserve it, and know if other ever feel this way.

I am so happy, right this very moment, that I want to cry. 

There is no real reason for it. I was just reading Post Secret . It used to be my Sunday night treat, but now that I work, it just happens when it happens. While I was reading them, it felt like my whole soul just went to zen, and I feel blissfully happy.  People out there feel the same way I do, Paris is a good idea! Run away from anything that doesn't uplift your soul. How can I argue with that? And you know what it made me decide?  I decided that today, you, yes you, need to be you.

BE YOU

And don't listen to any of the crap the rest of the world is screaming at you. Don't be afraid of what the rest of the world says, because whomever you choose to be, someone will have a problem with you. Below is my new motto:

Seriously, don't let the hate into your home, your mind, your soul. Because once it is there, it is like a plague. It won't leave you alone, and you have to cleanse your soul. And your soul is the most important part of YOU! And its scary sometimes changing, but that is okay. In The Curious Case of Benjamin Button it says 

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”"

I love this. I absolutely love this! You have control of your life! You make the decisions, you make the rules, you make the outcome for your journey through life!

It's different for each of us. And it changes everyday sometimes. Today I am happy sitting in my sweatpants listening to Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes,  blogging and pinteresting. I am happy being me, knowing that I am completely imperfect. That most days, every day, I want to run back to Washington and curl up on the beach in a blanket and stare at the ocean. I am okay with my Doctor Who obsession. I am okay knowing that I am just a little bit different from everyone else I know. And I am okay knowing that people won't like me the way I am , and will always try to change me. Because guess what!?

No one will ever change me, except me, because I am made up of perfectly imperfect parts that I cherish. 

 I hope that you can find that for yourself.

(here is a little Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes so you know what I am talking about ;) )

And if you are more into more woman vocals:

( I want this to be my wedding song, and I want to tap dance to it)

Have a great week!

The Problem with Humanity

In general I will always try to be upbeat here on Day in The Life, but I just have a few grievances I have to air with humanity and then move on, and hopefully it will be mostly upbeat. No promises though, but I don't think I can write anything slightly humorous until I get this all out...

"You Shouldn't _____ (Insert instruction here)":

Next time someone tells me what I should do I am going to freak out. And, I wish I was kidding but I am not. Just because I am only 20 doesn't automatically mean you can boss me around. Just because you are a mom/dad doesn't mean you can boss me around. The only person who should even try to tell me what to do is my mother!(and on occasion my father), and even then I still have the right to say no.  But you are not my mom, dad, or even my conscience, so let me choose for myself.  Don't tell me what to read, don't tell me what to eat, drink, wear, or watch on TV. I don't care if you think my TV shows are sleazy, or scummy, that is your opinion and I didn't ask for it. I had a guy at work tell me that as a good Latter-Day Saint I shouldn't be reading the book I was reading. And I honestly almost punched him in the face. I actually thought about it, and then instead told him how it was referred to me by another member, and that I read whatever I please. Seriously people? Half of the time its people I don't even know that well telling me what to do, and the other half it is people who know me well enought to know I march to my own drum, and no one can stop that. Unless I come to you with a question I need help with. LEAVE ME THE H! ALONE! You lead your life however you please, and I will lead mine how I please!

The Virgin Diaries- AKA What Happens to the Missionaries Nobody Wants to Marry:
So, I watched the Virgin Diaries for the first time this last week. If you have never heard of it, here is a clip from the Ellen DeGeneres  Show that nearly describes my feelings towards it:

I hope you laughed, because I did.  The concept of the show is my first worry. It is so common place now that, we actually have to have a show about the people who ARE virgins? I get it, if you want to be in relationships  where sex is involved, go for it, I really don't care how much sex everyone else is having, because your sex life is between you and your partner. Personally I have chosen to wait for marriage, and it is nice to know that I am not the only one out there, however, my problem with this show stems from the episode I watched. It had this guy in it:

See, as a single woman at BYU this is my single greatest fear in life. And, every ward has them. And, it leads me to wonder. What did his parents do to make him so messed up? How do you avoid this from happening? And why in heavens name would someone make-out with him for three minutes for a damn T-Shirt!?
I just don't get it.

And The Greatest Offender of All:

I hate Facebook, I really really hate Facebook. And I have 5 reasons why.
1. Sixth Grade Relationships

No one cares that you and your boyfriend are so in love, because you are 12. And by this time tomorrow, you won't even be together anymore. But, this has become even bigger then 12 year-olds. I am to the point that I actually delete people because of  how much of their relationship is played out via Status Updates, and Wall Posts. Your relationship should not be right there in my News Feed. Honestly I don't need to know that you just kissed your boyfriend, and you are now cuddling on the couch. Nor do I need to know that some times he is a big baby :/ (Oh, and yes I will be talking about smiley faces in a moment). If your boyfriend is treating you like crap, then you need to talk to him face to face. Don't put it on his wall. If you are to immature to do that, then maybe you shouldn't be in relationships in the first place.

2. :/

 I think I must just be getting old, because whenever I get online I am super confused about all the smileys people use. The only ones I have a handle on are:

:)

:(

:'(

:P

:O

;)

Anything outside of those six, and my mind gets confused. What the H does 

:/

^-^

;-;

:3

>:(

And the plethora of other ones mean!? I don't get it!!! And what does it mean when people post them? 

3. Passive Aggressive Posts

Facebook is a passive aggressive's playground. It is the only place that you can say things like:

"Ugh, you make me so angry!"- Shoot, sorry I hate when I make you angry... Only I haven't talked to you in years... So was it me who made you angry? Or someone else?

Song Lyrics that make no sense

"Somebody that I used to know"-- Do you still know them? Did they disappear!? Did you break-up, wait you where in a relationship? Whaaaa?

"I wish you would just accept the way I am! Ugh!"- ... I do? Wait.. are you a murderer? Am I supposed to accept you if you are a murderer, or does that depend on who you kill? 

4. Misspelling words/ Abbreviation

Am I the only one who doesn't understand half of the abbreviations used anymore? I actually have to Urban Dictionary them, because I have no clue what is going on? For example:

IKR! TOTS inapropor. that sh cra rt thr! U hv no ida hw md that mde m! -- What does that even mean? Honestly? Half of my time on Facebook is spent trying to understand what people are ACTUALLY saying! And then there are the misspelled words:

"Stopid peple make me cry. they allways say dum things, and alot of the time it makes no scents. Yu know?"

And then when you add the two together, you get half of my graduating classes statuses 

Y do yu allways say thos things to hrt me! U hve no ida how AWEFUL yu mke me fel abuot my 

lfe! 

And you wonder why every other country makes fun of us?

5. The Classic

The classic to me, is the fishing for the complement. 

 If you hate your picture so much. Don't put it up, but don't fish for compliments.  All of our pictures should look more like this:

Facebook is going to drive me to drinking, and I didn't even mention how much I hate political debates on Facebook, because that in and of itself will someday be its own post. Humanity is going to drive me to drinking!
Tea that is. That is all I have, I promise next time I will be more upbeat! I just had to get this all out ;)


What do you think? Am I being to melodramatic? Or do I have a point in my madness?

My Not So Minor Obsessions

I have about 5 things I love more than anything in the world... Well besides friends and family that is.. And I thought I have mentioned them enough I ought to just get them all out at once... And, yes there are more, but for the sake of today, I am only going to mention 5 and maybe, you will get more about each one at another date, for sure you will get more about Doctor Who, we are just going to make that assumption , because that  is the biggest obsession of all.

1. Adele

This lady is AMAZING! Everything she sings turns to pure magic for me. I love the tone of her voice, her everything! Her make-up, her hair, her voice... 21 is the most listened to album on my iTunes. Every single of the the top twenty-five songs on my iTunes is her. I have been listening to her since 2008 when she came out with 19. Actually, I got her single for free on iTunes (Hometown Glory) and fell immediately in love with her. She has the voice of an angel, and like the e-Card says  she knows how to express every feeling one has after a break-up (On a scale of 1 to Adele how bad was your break-up?) No other singer in my mind comes close to how much I love her ( Although Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros, and Jason Mraz are very close).  I spent all of last summer memorizing all of 21, and I was actually extremely sad when she started playing on the radio, because that meant that
A. She was becoming mainstream
B. That I was going to tire of her song (Rumour Has It)
C. I couldn't just enjoy her unadulterated , people now were going to have actual opinions about her...

2. Spider-Man

 I FREAKING LOVE SPIDER-MAN! 


I love Spider-Man.. He is the best superhero in the world, in my own personal opinion. And I don't really care if no one agrees with me, because I am right. I love the comics, I love the animated series (yes I have seen every episode), and I love love love the movies.  I spent all of high school thinking I was Spider-Man. Don't believe me?  Ask Justin, or even Matthew. I love Spider-Man... In fact, I am going to name my son Peter after Peter Parker, I was going to name him just straight up Spider-Man, but I thought that  CPS would have a problem with it... I love Spider-Man so much that I think I am him.. As demonstrated in this video!
(Excuse my hair, its my day off!)

In addition, have you seen the new movie!? HOLY TOLEDO!!!! HOLY SPIDER-MAN! Andrew Garfield is amazing! Not only is he a good actor, he is amazingly attractive, and he is part English! How can you go wrong?  Oh! And the movie was awesome! That is my favorite story, Lizard is the best!!! I still watch the animated episode of that comic, because it is LITERALLY THE BEST EPISODE! So of course it was an AWESOME AWESOME, movie!
3.  Tea

Yes that is a Doctor Who quote on this mug, Yes I am going to make this...

 I love tea more than any other drink.. Ever.. And this includes, but is not limited to Diet Pepsi, Lemonade, Water, Vitamin Water, and Milk (which is a given since I hate milk). I have to have a cup every single day. Twining's is the best,  I drink it every day, but I really will go for any tea. It makes my soul happy. I personally think that tea makes every situation better. . I may be secretly English. Because, everybody knows that the English deal with everything with a cup of tea. When in doubt right, put the kettle on, right? I honestly believe that the best thing in the world is curling up in my wrap pants, watching Doctor Who, and drinking a big cup of Twining's (weak with two Splenda for a big cup, one for a small cup)

.
4. Harry Potter

 I am a part of the Harry Potter Generation. I read the first book in 2000 and was obsessed! Granted,who couldn't be they are brilliantly written, they suck you in, and the are just pure magic! I've wanted to be Hermione Granger my entire life. I figure I already have the poofy hair! All I need is magic! (which I also have). I don't think I have ever gone a day without thinking about, or referring to these magnificent books ever.  In my family when we get mad at each other, sometimes we just have to yell Avada Kadavra! at each other. Sometimes when I turn on the light I mutter lumos (and of course nox when I turn it off). I spent all last summer babysitting (hanging out really, those kids are the best), and I spent most of my time under the cruciatus curse, because Lego-Man wanted me to do whatever he said ( I spun in a lot of circles) And, I am not ashamed to admit that when I turned 11 and I didn't get my letter to Hogwarts I cried... For days. How could I not? When I got the seventh book, I cried when Fred died, when we found out Snape was not evil, and of course the hardest when Dobby died. I read and waited for new books for seven years of my life. It was my life. Thank heaven for J.K. Rowling's genius! Without it, I could never yell Alohomora when I got frustrated at a door that didn't open.

Look at Little Daniel Radcliffe! He is so adorable!!

5. Doctor Who

 David Tennant, forever my Doctor

Matt Smith, a brilliant Doctor, in a bow tie and a fez. Because fez's and bow ties are cool! Love of my life...

I love Doctor Who...
I LOVE DOCTOR WHO
I LOVE DOCTOR WHO!!*
Cough, Cough... Sorry I just had to get that out there. Doctor Who is my very favorite thing of all. I love the show, in all its cheesy alienness. If you haven't ever noticed I elude to it in nearly every single blog post, and will continue to do so. And, not going to lie, eventually it may have to get it's very own blog post like Starbucks. It is magical. I love trying to explain it to people though, because I always get the best looks. How do you explain, that the best show in the world is about a Time Traveling Alien who protects the world from other Evil Aliens?  People laugh at you when you say that. So, if you have never watched it I probably think I am crazy but I am not!  True, sometimes it is silly, and a little lame, but then there are moments that take your breath away, you truly become attached to the characters and it hurts when they leave the show. Rachel and I cried for days after the 10 regenerated into 11, and when Rose leaves, and when Donna leaves, and I can promise you that I will cry in this next season when the Ponds leave.  I feel like Doctor Who fits into every day life. For example, I gave a talk about  four weeks ago in church, and I integrated 3 Doctor Who references, I drive listening to the soundtracks because I feel so much more epic, like I am actually going to do something way awesome, and the world better watch out, my exacto-knife is nick-named the Sonic Screwdriver, and Rachel and I are turning our front door into the TARDIS this year... And we have a cut-out of David Tennant that sits in our room, to protect us in the night...Oh! And I recently decided my daughters name is going to be Amelia River (when I have children that is)  Most of my clothing now a days consists of something that reminds me of the Doctor (3 T-shirts, and 2 pair of  High Top Converse).  Also, it helps that I want to marry Matt Smith (Although Tennant still claims my soul, and will forever be my Doctor, he is married.. And 41, and my mom said that was just a little bit too creepy). Matt Smith is beautiful and also a hipster... Which is just cool. Hipsters are cool. Fez's are cool. The Doctor is cool, and someday he is going to come and get me and we will fly away in the TARDIS together. That is why I work out now a days, because when the Doctor comes there is going to be a lot of running, and I don't want to Weeping Angels, Daleks, Slitheen (from Rexacoricofalapitorian),  Cyber-men or the Silence to kill me. 

That is all I have for today. There are so many more things that I love, Wrap Pants, Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Community, Vincent Van Gogh, the list goes on and on, and I will talk about them on a later date, but I feel like I have gone on forever about just these five, and honestly I could go on for days. I love things, I love surrounding myself with things that make me happy, and who doesn't? The best way to keep our lives in balance is to be surrounded by beautiful things.

*If you decide to watch it, suffer through the first season, because 9 isn't my favorite and the monsters suck, but it is worth it to see 10 (Tennant) act. He is amazingly talented. 

What are some of your favorite things!?

The Devil Went Down To Georgia

I promised a couple days ago that I would expound all my feelings about Missouri, and now that I have finished work and I have couple days off so here we go... 

The Devil, he lied. He actually came down to Missouri. Hell may freeze over in Michigan, but it is fully functioning here. Honestly I feel like the heat just never ends. But we will get to the heat later.

In being politically correct, and a nice person,generally, I am going to show you in pictures what Nevada, Missouri is like, and you can make inferences from there:

Yes, I have had someone tell me this is a good idea, and the Confederate flag is an normal here 

this is the Normal garb for Nevada, see even more at People Of Wal-Mart

Yes, I have seen this as tattoo

Also, it is very hot. So hot. Like 115 degrees hot. My house is so hot, that I don't even know how people who don't have air-conditioning even live here.  Every time I walk outside, I want to die. It is like swimming in a hot tub filled with sticky hot chocolate. Ew. 

And then there are the bugs:

June Bug

Tick- These are evil

Cicada- Okay I will give Missouri these, I love the way they sound. 

And last, but the worst. I had a Cockroach pop out at me yesterday at work, and I nearly died. 

 Now, I UNDERSTAND! That other people have have these bugs too and I have heard it over and over that Missouri's aren't that bad, but  they are to me. Because they are mutant and they are everywhere. The other day my mom was  was remarking about it, and she said  "I decided this is God's country, because every square inch is covered with his critters." Now see me, I think the opposite, it is the Devil's country because no one wants every living creature on God's green earth crawling all over them. Just saying.  

Also, I finally meet a real rapist! And while that doesn't seem like a good thing, I can officially say that I know someone on the FBI's sex offenders list... And while I know that they exist everywhere, I have never worked side by side one.. Nor, have I had him "joke" that he was going to kidnap my roommate, but now I realize he was being very serious.  It has literally, made me worry about every interaction I have with people. And also, I think I need to invest in pepper spray.

And last but not least the food I have learned about, and ways to catch said food. There is:

Who doesn't love a little Fried Raccoon? I Googled a picture of Fried Raccoon, but I was so horrified I couldn't if you want to see one, I suggest you look it up yourself  

Mmm Anyone fancy some frog legs? They are catched by going Giging, a process that I had explained to me but I cant quiet remember. Now does anyone else thing these look like human legs? gross. 

Some yummy squirrel perhaps? Now this was another one I couldn't post a fried picture of because squirrels are my friends... We even call them squirrel friends in my house... I just can't stomach the thought of eating one...

And last but not least:

 Then there is catfish, now I know most people don't find this odd, but what I find odd is how they catch them. It is called Noodling, or as most people know it Hillbilly Hand Fishing. Yes that Is right to catch them many people I work with stick their hands in barrels in the muddy lakes, and hope that it is a catfish and not a snapping turtle, or worse a water moccasin that bits them. 

Missour is so unlike anywhere I have ever lived. And don't get me wrong, it has its upsides (the gas is insanely cheap), but I worry that I will go back to school talkin' like I ain't never lived no where but down her' in the good ol' mid-west, with the gun totin' bible thumpin' hometown folk. 

Hello Seattle

I am back to work again, and super joy, its night shift!... The only redeeming quality of night shift? I get paid $10.50 an hour verses $10.00... Which is a big deal to a poor college student, who has an expensive Doctor Who obsession (a conversation for another day).
Over the last week, I have experienced and thought about a lot of things I could blog, and believe me, when one works 12 hour shifts, one tends to think a lot! And, maybe go slightly insane. So, I have a lot of ideas going through my head, and I just want to post them all at once, but, like Facebook, I don't think blogs should be updated more than once a day, or else you just become one of those super annoying people that I hide from my newsfeed. So today we are going to talk about Washington, and tomorrow (or the next day), I am going to talk about Missouri.

Washington State is the best place in the world in my ever so humble opinion.  I love everything about it. I love that there are two different sides of Washington, the diversity, the people, the rain, and most of all the Ocean.
I am an Ocean fanatic. Well, let me rephrase that, I  am a Pacific Ocean fanatic.  I love the Pacific. I love the ice cold water, I love the jelly fish, I love watching the fog roll off the water in the morning, and I love the way I smell after I have spent a long day at the beach. I wish I could explain properly the feeling I get whenever I see it. It is like the whole world brightens, and I always feel like I am releasing my breath after holding it. Completely calm.  And, I feel that way, every time I see it. When I was in Middle School, we would catch a glimpse of the ocean on the bus ride, and every day, that was what I looked forward to the most. I love seeing the sunrise over the water from the top of a hill so the ocean is partway hidden behind the forest.. I love the ocean..
Just look at this:

Ah! Doesn't your soul just feel full? I love the ocean in the sunshine and in the clouds....

Moving on, I also love Washington because it is like two states put into one! There is the West and the East, and together you can find anything you're looking for. From deep sea fishing, to a good ol' Walla Walla Sweet Onion... Anything you want, any culture, any food, any type of people. They are all there waiting for you. Washington even has Serial Killers, if that is your  speed...although, if it is I suggest you just go to jail now, because Serial Killers are creepy....

Then there is Seattle... I honestly, can't think of a more perfect place in the universe. Anything you want in the entire world you can find in the Emerald City. Starbucks originated there, and as anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows I LOVE STARBUCKS! Pikes Place Market is there, the EMP, the Aquarium, and SHOPPING!  It is alive and happening, and all very now. Indie, Hip, whatever you want to call it, it is where I want to be every day of my life. And, I know the traffic, people living on top of each other, to many people, blah blah blah! I don't care, because that is what I want. I want to live in a flat, in Seattle, with neighbors I don't know. I want to be somewhere with tons of people who are all trying to get somewhere fast, because face it, that is where life begins. Life happens when there are people around. And I want to be in the very middle of it all. Oh Seattle....

And, lastly the rain. I love rain, I love grey, and I love fog. I love waking up and feeling the fog in the air, and looking out your window and being snuggled close by the fog. I understand that makes me sound crazy as crack, but I love it. I love the feeling of drizzle on my face as I walk down the street (because any self respecting Washingtonian wouldn't carry and umbrella), the coolness in the air. The smell of wet dirt and trees, of wet sidewalk. It appeals to me so much. I feel the most content when I know that I just have to slip on a jacket and some tennis shoes, and I can ALWAYS wear jeans. I love the grey because it makes me appreciate the sun all the more. I was talking to a lady yesterday, and she was saying that Washington was the worse because she NEEDS sun, and the grey is AWFUL, and I was thinking about it. And I finally this morning came up with an explanation of why I love it so much. As a true Washingtonian I love the fog and rain. I love it because, when I look back, even though I know that there was so much more rain then sun in my  time in the Western side of Washington. It isn't the rain I remember the most clearly. It is the days when the sun shines.  I feel like that is what it means to be a true Washingtonian, we love it because we cherish the sun. We love the days in the sun, and even though there is a lot more of the grey,the sunshine creates a new atmosphere. Sunny days are the days you know are going to be full of adventure and mystery, because who knows when you will get a new one. We Seize the Day. And, people who always have the sun, they don't, because they know that the next day, and the next, and the next will be more of the same.
So in a way, I think that Washingtonians, love the rain, because it gives us a chance to be happy and content with the moment, knowing that the next one might be rainy, but maybe, just maybe you will catch a ray of sunshine. And, until then, we get to wrap ourselves in comfort and protection that clouds and fog provide.

Am I crazy? Or do other Washingtonians feel the same way?

Taylor The Latte Boy

 There's a boy who works at Starbucks. He is VERY Inspirational...
No, seriously, I am not just quoting this song.
I may have found love. (Again, I will explain my other true love, known as Really Cute British Guy I Followed, at some point)
At Starbucks..
His name is Taylor* the Passion Iced Tea Boy , and I love him, I love him, I loove him..


Now, I realize that this is may sound a little extreme, but honestly. I have met the man once, and he holds the key to my heart. The key being a Venti Shaken Passion Iced Tea** with two splenda.
Seriously! Have you ever had one? I suggest you walk, no run, to the nearest Starbucks and get one. It will revolutionize your life.
Go, Get one. NOW!
....

Thank you.

Taylor works at a Starbucks in Joplin, Missouri, and while I have never actually spoken to him (except to order) I know that we are made for each other. Every week  I drive down to Joplin to get my fix of shopping and Starbucks. Generally this means I go to Target and look at the books, then I go to Romancing the Stone, to see if they have anymore wrap pants, or evil eye things. Then a quick jot into Icing to see if they have any new hats, and then on to Steak and Shake to get the best sandwich in the world. Somewhere in there I always go to Starbucks, because our town of 8,000 doesn't have one. And I can barely go a week without my  Venti Shaken Passion Iced Tea with two Splenda; I am a tea addict (a conversation for another day).
Normally I go through the drive through, because it is just easier, but one particular day, I decided to go in. As I stood in line, reviling in all things Starbucks (Starbucks always makes me feel like I am home in Washington), I spied Taylor, the Passion Iced Tea Boy. First off Taylor is beautiful, he has this beautiful brown hair, that is cut just right, blue eyes (can you say yummy?),  a Celtic knot tattoo,and beautiful physic. And, I smiled at him, and he looked at me and smiled... And then I ordered, barely getting the words out because, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I handed him my twenty, and when he handed my change back, I didn't even look down at it, I just dropped whatever bills was on top into the tip jar (sadly it was a five... and three ones....). Then I stepped down the counter to wait, and inadvertently stare at him. Pretending to text I gazed at him, wondering what our children would look like,  if he would live in Seattle, and if just maybe he was fabulously wealthy (Don't ask.. I realize he was working at Starbucks).
He began shaking my tea, and then he did the most beautiful thing. He started doing TRICKS! he was swinging my tea all over the place, flipping it catching it behind his back, the whole shebang! It was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen! Then he poured it into my cup, and my heart sank a bit because I knew that I was going to have to leave him... But then he put the lid on, and flipped my cup out of his hands on to the counter without a drop spilled. Then he winked at me... SA-WOON! He had me hook, line, and sinker.
I love him... So I giggled (yes giggled, it was mortifying), thanked him for the show, winked, and walked out...
And, I haven't seen him since.

Ah, unrequited love.

I love him... It is unfortunate that I will most likely never see him again
Oh Taylor the Passion Iced Tea Boy.

I love you, I love you, I love you!

I have included the song Taylor the Latte Boy, by Kristin Chenoweth,  for your listening pleasure


*Names Changed to protect identity
** Go figure I love PASSION, Iced Tea 

The Conundrum...

"Earth Friendly Natural Personal Care Products" 

I was a clarinet player for eight years.  I love the clarinet, a lot. There is nothing better than the moment when a concert starts. When the entire band is tuned, and there is that moment of silence before the conductor begins. However, It has created a problem.  

My Strange Addiction.

I love Chapstick.

I LOVE  Chapstick.

One more time:

I LOVE CHAPSTICK 

LOVE IT!!!!

Now, I always make fun of those people on the show My Strange Addiction. How could you actually want to eat toilet paper, dryer sheets, couch stuffing, or my personal  favorite your husbands ashes?  But, then the other day I realized I am just as bad.

Right now I probably have between 10-20 chapsticks floating around my house. I can nearly go anywhere I want, and have a stick. It's in my car, my wallet, my kitchen, my bathrooms, my pockets, in between couch cushions,on purpose, and yes I do sometimes find chapstick in my shoes.  I am the only reason, Burt's Bee's wasn't effected by the Recession of 2008.  And, it is all because of the Clarinet.

 The clarinet, makes you lick your lips. Licking your lips makes you NEED chapstick.... And then you just get used to the perfect feeling of having chapstick all over your lips. The perfect feeling of lips as smooth as a babies bottom You realized you have a chapstick problem... And keeping all chapstick companies afloat with your need. So, then you decide... Hey I am addicted maybe I, should take a day away from it... But then! Then! You have a twelve hour shift at work and you decide. Hey! I can handle twelve hours without my  Burt's Bees Mango Butter chapstick with extra moisturizer! No big deal, I will just put a ton on now, my lips are already moisturizer and super soft. I don't really need it... I am just being dumb. But, about five hours in ... My lips started hurting, and burning, and cracking (at least in my mind they were) Oh! They were still baby soft, but man, I just wanted my chapstick. And I spent the next seven hours wishing I had it. It was honestly the only thing I could think about for any length of time. And I tried. I tried to distract myself, and I COULDN'T... It was there in the back of my mind no matter how many boxes I tried to concentrate on, no matter how much I thought about Doctor Who, or shopping, or books, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING! By the end of my shift I couldn't wait to put chapstick on. I ran to the car, and MY MOM HAD TAKEN MY CHAPSTICK OUT! I couldn't processes anything other then the need I felt for chapstick. So I sped to the store, and bought a new pack of two... 

My Addiction is truly a vicious cycle.... 

But I won't, and can't stop it. Because, there is nothing better in life, then buying a new Burt's Bees. And the feeling you get when, you open a new stick... And put it on, because like an apple, the first bit is the best part.

Burt's Bees is my hero. 

This is the story all about how my life got flip turned upside down...

"“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.” -Rae Smith 

I finally have time to blog. I thought that going to school was the hardest on my blogging, until I started working. I work 3-4 days a week, which shouldn't be that bad, but they are 12 hour shifts... That alternate from days to nights...So, when I am not at work I am sleeping, or watching Doctor Who (hey, like I said before no judging).  I have had something on my mind for a while, and I finally have the time to say it (Hello, week off!!)

Here's the thing. I am a passionate person... Don't believe me? Listen

After a huge debacle on Facebook involving gay rights (which is a discussion for a later day) I was ranting in 

my kitchen, and one of my lovely roommates looked at me and said " I just love how passionate you are about things"

I had a teacher in high school tell me that "my passion overflowed when ever I wrote"

And then  couple days ago Sarah and I were having a discussion with a girl from work, and being me I got really into it and the girl turned to me and goes "you are really passionate about things aren't you?"

So, I get it, I am passionate about things, everything, and everyone. If I love you  I LOVE YOU, if I hate you  I UTTERLY DESPISE YOUR SOUL. I just don't seem to have an in between bone in my body. And for the most part it has done me well in life. I never war very much with myself on my position in life, I just know:

I hate Mushrooms

I love Doctor Who

I hate nasty gross Okra

I love Diet Pepsi

I hate Rebecca Black

I love Jason Mraz

 And because of that, people have been the same way about me. I have heard many times, over the course of my life, that I am one of "those people" who people either like or they hate, people can't just sort of like me. 

 just on a tangent can I tell you how much I HATE being lumped in with other people as one of "those people" I am not "those people" I am me, damn you! 

Anyway. It got me thinking. I had a boyfriend for  nearly 2 and a half years, most of my high school experience. When we broke up. I was a mess. Ask anyone who knew me, I didn't function like a normal human being for a long time. I threw my whole person into something else (namely Doctor Who). I lied to myself and said that I was okay, and the poor people around me had to deal with some serious mood swings ( I am so sorry Sarah, Emily and Kirsten).  It was like, I had lost who I was. I had been Julia and Matt for so long, that I had let it define me, and all of the sudden I wasn't that anymore. My life got flip turned upside down. And, it was the best thing that has happened to me. Suddenly the plan I had for life changed, it was empty and new I could literally do or be anyone I wanted to be. So naturally I had no idea what that was. Sure the basics where the same. I want to be a doctor, I want to be a traveler (no not a gypsy one), I want to be a mom, and a wife. But outside of that my life was free. I wasn't just Julia and Matt. So. What was I going to be? Now I realize how dramatic that sounds, but hey I am a dramatic and passionate person! Okay, so where am I going with this? 

I read a book.  

Nothing new I know, but  I read a book. 

And this book changed my life.

Now, it wasn't well written, it wasn't the perfect book, I couldn't even read half of it because it was extremely graphic. But it changed my life none the less. The main character, and her beau, have this passion for each other. They needed and loved and wanted each other in a way, that I had never dreamed possible. It scared me, and it excited me, and it gave me hope. See, I had given up part of the passion I wanted in life, to be Julia and Matt. Now, this isn't about Matt, it isn't his fault at all, he is a wonderful person, and was exactly what I needed,  and I am sure he will be someones passionate, he just wasn't MINE, and this is my blog, so I can say whatever I want.   I found a niche where I was comfortable and happy and I figured that was all I needed in life to be comfortable. But, that just isn't me is it? I am a person who gets overly excited to find out that a movie theater has Diet Pepsi in it instead of nast-Diet Coke. I nearly pass out when I find a store in Missouri that carries evil eyes, and wrap pants for that matter. I am over exasperated at the ridiculous heat in Hell, I mean Missouri, no actually I mean Hell. I am overly excited by new songs, and TV shows. I literally jump for joy, and every tear is a waterfall (see what I did there? I am listening to Coldplay can you tell?) So why in the world would I settle for comfortable? 

The truth is. I want it all I want the moon and stars and every bit of space between. I want the electric charge I see between some of the couples I know,for example my good friend Square Toothed Girl and her Mountain Man. They are like a couple in their first year of marriage, all sorts of in love.  And, that's what I want. Yes, I do realize life gets hard, and people grow old, and life changes, but is it wrong for me to want that?

No, I don't think so.

The book, it also made me sit back and look at myself, and figure out where I wanted to be.

I have had to do a lot of this lately, figuring out who I want to be. Because my life is so drastically different then it was one year ago. And, things have turned out way different then I thought the would. And I have had to try and find myself in the midst of it all...

And, can I say I am happy about who I found.

I have spent most of my life hating who I am, and everything about myself.  And like I said in a previous post I wasn't happy. And, now I am.

I have accepted myself passionate bits, crazy bits,  the whole shebang (I have just really wanted to say that in a post).  And it is great. Because I am not thinking only about making myself perfect for a husband, or to fit into the mold that my religious community has for me. Instead I am finding the things that make me the person I want to be. I decided I am going to become independently wealthy, soI am going to work for the goal. I have decided that I am going to live in Seattle, and i am going to work my hardest to get there. And I have decided to wait to find a person who is my perfect passion. If that means I wait 3 years, 10 years or 6 months (let us pray it isn't that one),  I will wait. I know that music is a passion for me, I love it all, so I am getting back into listening to classical music, and finding the singers that make me feel happy (Hello Adele!)

I know that I love to read, so I am going to blow a hole through the BBC's liste of books to read before I die. I love Europe, so I am saving to go. I love my new wrap pants so I am going to own tons of pairs and wear them to Wal-Mart if I want to.   I am just going to be happy being me. And I am! Oh am I! I was sitting in my moms abnormally large bathtub about two weeks ago (Something I generally don't do, I have a problem with bathtubs). And I was reading a book. And I looked up in the mirror and I just stared at myself. and I realized the things that I hated so much before about myself. I have embraced, and love. Of course there are things that I am improving and refining (hello 30 pounds lighter!) but,  I just love me!

So watch out world. Julia is back, new and improved. A brand new regeneration. And I've got my sassy pants on!